


Innocence

by Cutiepasta



Category: Assassination Classroom, Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: AU, Broken Promises, Child Abuse, Crossdressing, Drama, Families of Choice, Family Feels, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Gender Dysphoria, I'm here eating my feelios, Kid Fic, M/M, Nagisa becomes a figure skater, Nagisa needs a hug, Overprotective Skaters, Vicchan Lives, Victor isnt clueless, Yaoi on Ice, Yurio is best brother, Yuuri is best dad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-30
Updated: 2017-07-09
Packaged: 2018-09-28 00:57:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 25,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10060355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cutiepasta/pseuds/Cutiepasta
Summary: Yuuri liked to think he's a good person and he is. But he knows that there will always be a stain in his heart. He abandoned someone who needed him and lied to himself about it. He told himself they were fine when he knew they weren't. Before going off to the Grand Prix Yuuri and Victor travel back to Japan to fix what he left behind.





	1. Chapter 1

I still couldn't believe it. 18 years old and I already had everything planned out. In a few months I'll be in America going to university and training for the Grand Prix.

I couldn't help but hum a tune as I glided mindlessly across the ice. I did a few toe loops as I thought of a few songs to listen too. 

Then I saw something interesting in the corner of my eye. A little girl with loosely tied skates stumbling trying to get on the ice. She clung to the wall as she tried to balance. You couldn't help but notice her small size and adorable pudgy body.

She squealed in delight as she finally got her balance and tried to march across the ice. Only to fall on her face. Her pastel pink dress riled up to reveal her white baby bloomers, that while seemed to be too old for her fit perfectly with her victorian style dress.

Only a terrible person would laugh at that, and I'm evil because I did. But I skated over to her and picked her up from the ice.

"You should be more careful." I tried to say as I led her back to the edge of the ice.

Her face was red as she balled up the fabric of her dress in her fists. She was preparing for what most parents call a temper tantrum from the looks of it.

"Don't make that face now. Falling is normal in skating. It happens to everyone." I said hoping to calm her down.

She looked at me with sad eyes as she pointed at the rink.

"I wanna skate." She said simply, as though I would say no.

"You can but you have to fix your skates first. You could injure yourself if you don't." I took the time to teach her to tie her shoes as tight as possible before helping her onto the eyes.

Her blue eyes lit up in joy as she once again marched across the ice. Then fell again.

Now I know I'm going to hell because I laughed again before taking her by the hand and led her across the ice. Slowly I showed her how to move and turn. She giggled and practically bounced around as I helded her hand.

She even made a sort of half spin all on her own. I clapped and cheered for her as I remembered my first time on the ice was like this. My family took me to the rink and praised me for my natural talent. It was an important memory to me and parents.

Then I noticed it. Where was her family? It bugged my a little that they couldn't see such an important moment like this. 

"Yuuri who's your new friend!" I heard a voice shout. I turned to see my childhood friend Yuuko holding up her phone to record us skating.

I took my new student to the side to meet Yuuko who was gushing like crazy over the little girl.

"Hello, I'm Nagisa." She was so polite as she bowed. She then moved to stand behind me as she shyed away from the new mother.

"Oh my god Yuuri where did you find her! She's so fat and small and cute! I hope my girls will grow up to be so lovely!" She cried as she tried to get closer to Nagisa.

Yuuko wasn't herself at the moment, but no one can after dealing with 9 months of pain then having to push 3 small humans out of a too small place and then suddenly love said humans. She had a lot of hormones and too much love to give at the moment.

"Don't mess with me." Nagisa moved further away from Yuuko as she spoke.

"Nagisa-chan don't say that." I said scolding her lightly.

"Don't call me a she. I'm a boy." He said puffing out her cheeks.

I didn't know what so say. I found it hard to believe for a moment. He was littered with pick bows and ribbons. His fluffy blue locks even had a cute little pink bow in it that glittered.

He looked like a girl but he wasn't. That wasn't hard to wrap my head around. If he wanted to be called a boy, wether he was born a girl or wasn't doesn't matter. I knew Yuuko knew the same.

"Sorry Nagisa-kun, I didn't mean to say that." Yuuko tried to get the boy's attention as he held fast to my leg.

"Alright I'm sorry too." Nagisa shyed away as she spoke quietly. His little arms squeezed around my legs tightly as he looked away from Yuuko.

"He likes you alot Yuuri. You better take good care of him." Yuuko laughed as she left us alone so she could most likely show everyone that video.


	2. Chapter 2

The past week I've been teaching Nagisa everything I know about skating. It's not as easy as I thought it was but he's a fast learner.

All of the training we did made him lose some of his baby fat which was a shame in a way. I'm like my mom since she also loves chubby kids. He was cute pudgy.

Even with his smaller size he's proved to be made of steel. Everytime he fell he got right back up and tried again. Diligence is one of his strongest traits.

He'd watch me closely as I practiced and try to mimic my movements only to fall or have Yuuko take him off the ice. He shouldn't be trying quods at his age and if Yuuko catches him he gets dragged back into the locker room for a scolding.

After that he has to sit with her and the triplet, watching figure skating. Oddly enough he doesn't really care for most skaters. He enjoys watching Victor but for the wrong reasons. He says that Victor looked like a guy from a shojo manga who is probably hiding some deep tragic secret from the world.

Yuuko isn't allowed to pick out books for him anymore so now he watches animes about basketball.

Nagisa is an interesting kid. At 7 years old he understand alot more then most. He can read people like books and unfortunately I'm already easy to read so he knows what I want to say before I even thought of it 

I've even started teaching him conversational English as we skated. He had the basics down in no time. He was like a little genius always ready for something new. I want to teach him everything I can.

He'd run after me if he saw me and grab my arm. I was always looking over my shoulder to see if he was nearby when I was jogging to make sure he didn't jump me from behind.

Some days I would take him to Yu-topia. Mom thought he was a girl at first so she got him one of my sister's old yukatas to wear after a dip in the hot springs. 

When he finished and put on the dress, mom pulled me aside.

"I'm happy that you've taken the time to teach Nagisa but I need to ask. Where are his parents?" Mom kept her voice low as she watched Nagisa play with Vicchan who bit the hem of his dress.

"I talked to them over the phone a few times but they don't seem to mind him being here." I said trying to convince her it was safe.

I couldn't blame her though. Nagisa carries a school bag with a spare school uniform where ever he goes. He never wants to go home when practice was over. The signs weren't good and they pointed to absentee parents.

Not being around wasn't a real crime as long as Nagisa was cared for. And with new name brand dresses every other day, I didn't have much to worry about.

* * *

Nagisa was going to spend the night so he ate dinner with us.

"I made Yuuri's favorite tonight! Make sure to eat up Nagisa-chan." Mom said giving Nagisa a pork cutlet bowl.

"Mom you want him to get bigger!" Mari whined as she ate

"Of course I do! He's going to be just like our Yuuri soft and cute." Mom excitedly pet the boy.

She was quite fond of the blunette now and even took the time to brush his long hair into a braid. He helped her pick out accessories and pins to put in his hair. He liked a small silver butterfly pin the most, one that used to belong to me when I didn't cut my hair. He was a treasure to have around so I didn't mind giving it to him.

"Your not going to eat?" I asked at he stared at his food.

He looked lost. It was as if he's never seen food before and looked around to see what we would do. He was nervous to say the least.

"Umm..." He picked his bowl towards me then picked up a spoon and held out a spoonful of rice and meet to me.

I held back a laugh as it watch his clumsy little hands spilled food on the table. I gave in and ate a spoonful.

"It's good." I said trying to get him to eat.

Nagisa looked at his food again and tried to figure out if I was telling the truth. He never had a pork cutlet bowl and like the child he was, he wasn't going to believe an adult.

I took a new spoon and then tried a new strategy. I took so of the food the put it to his lips.

"Come on open up." I cooed as Minako giggled at the blunette's face.

Nagisa puffed up his cheeks and turned away as I tried to spoon-fed him. He swiped my hand away and whined.

"No, yuck!" He said pushing the spoon away.

"Fine then I'll eat it." I said eating the spoonful. Then I decided to pull a trick Mari used to pull on me. "It's so yummy! Its a good thing Nagisa can't have any! So I'll have it all to myself."

Nagisa looked at me in shock. I was going to have all of it to myself and he didn't like that.

"No! I want it!" He said taking his food back and eating it.

The rest of dinner when well as he finished his plate. 

* * *

 

That night a storm hit. It was loud but almost calming. The pitter patter of the rain was comforting to me.

I listened to it as I turned out the light. As I slipped into a deep sleep the door opened. I was too tied to really pay it any mind but then a small figure climbed onto my bed and shoke me awake.

When I opened my eyes a Nagisa was there trying to hide from the storm. His eyes were misty and he was shaking like a leaf in the breeze. 

"Are you scared?" I asked softly as he burrowed into the covers.

He nodded before diving into the blankets.

"You can sleep with me then." I said wrapping an arm around him. I stayed awake for another thirty minutes rubbing his head as he slowly fell asleep.

Part of me felt like this was wrong. A child seeking comfort from a stranger is dangerous. Im not that kind of person but what if it was someone else. What if it wasn't me he met at the rink that day, his parents wouldn't even care. He trusted too easily and loved carelessly.

I could tell his was a lonely kid. Why would anyone leave him alone? How could someone not care about him the way I did? If I was his guardian I would never let him stay with some stranger I've never met, and I'd do it out of affection because I don't want anyone to hurt him.

Is it strange to think that?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My babies are so cute in this chapter. Time to write about how that'll change. Wish me luck!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there you seem to be doing OK. Mind if I, ya know, ruin that.

It was Nagisa's birthday tomorrow. He was turning 8 and I've never seen him more excited. True I've only known him for a few months but I knew he was extremely happy.

With summer in full swing he was outside all the time playing fetch with Vicchan. Mom recently bought him pants and boy outfits so he could run around without worrying about getting his dresses dirty.

Minako sometimes took him to ballet classes when she wasn't wasted because of a certain someone. Hell even dad took him fishing once or twice.

Our family took him in to be honest. He's spent so much time with us we've almost forgotten about his real family.

It's unfortunate that I'll have to leave soon.

No, it horrible that I have to leave. I've been delaying going to Detroit for his well-being but I don't want to lose my chance to train under Celestino and go to college. I want to go but it doesn't feel right to just leave him behind. 

I've extended the date but this is the last time I can do it. The worst part is...It's the day after Nagisa's birthday. I don't have the heart to tell him. He's just so happy.

Almost everyday I wake up and there he is making breakfast with mom or watching TV with dad. In fact he's been helping dad with the inn for a while now. Dad makes joke about having him take over one day.

But late at night he would sneak into my room and curl up next to me when he's sad or lonely. I know if it leave I might not get the chance to be there for him. Then how different am I from his family who ignores him. Nagisa barely talks about them outside of saying they care for him. I don't want him to say that about me when I'm gone.

I know I can't stop everything I've worked hard for over him but damn it I've tried.

So I've told everyone to please look after him in my stead.

 "Make sure to take lots of pictures and videos to send to me. Make sure he finishes his homework and eat his dinner." I told them trying not to get emotional.

"Yuuri..." Minako looked at me sympathetically as if I've already lost something important.

But I couldn't help it, in two days I'll have to leave behind everything I know. I don't want to regret my decision but I know it's not an easy one.

"Don't worry we'll take care of everything while you're gone." Mom said putting a comforting hand on my shoulder.

I looked down at the boy resting in my arms. He'd fallen asleep his his head resting comfortably on my other shoulder.

"I know your worried but what your feeling is normal. You've realized he's not going to stay this small forever, he's going to grow up while your gone but I promise it's not going to be that bad. Watching little ones like him grow up is the most rewarding thing in the world." Mom tried her best to be both honest and loving as possible.

Call me what you want, but I cried alot. I was too attached to just let go but I don't regret it. I could never regret meeting Nagisa.

* * *

 

I spent alot of time trying to find Nagisa gift. It was hard to figure out what would be perfect for him.

The toy store was a good place to start looking. I walked down the isles searching for what I needed.

He didn't need to get him any clothes plus he's 7 and last I checked 7 year olds don't like clothes. Then again he likes dress up.

Dolls or action figures? Neither, both tend to creep him out on some level if no one's around.

A kitchen set for kids learning to cook? No, he's too old for that plus mom already has one for him.

Toy cars? He not exactly the car type and he freaks out around real cars. Once when we were walking down the street a car revered it's engine next to him and he started crying from the shock.

Then I saw a young woman in a store uniform came over to talk to me.

"You ya need help darlin' " she asked and a southern accent.

"Yes, I need to find a toy for an 8 year old, well a 7 year old turning 8." I said correcting myself.

"Well are they a boy or a girl?" She asked kindly.

My first instinct was to say boy of course but there was a problem there. Nagisa is in fact boy with male part and all but he hates being told what to play with. He doesn't like when people tell him he's has to play with a girl or boy toy. There have been times when he'd those a fit if someone tried to take a toy from him.

"Actually they don't have a preference." I tried not to make it sound odd as I explained my situation.

"Then I don't think I can help you." She said turning to leave before another woman I guessed was her manager stepped in.

"Now Lizzie that not how we treat customers. Your needed behind the counter, I'll take care of this." She said sweetly before turning to me. "I'm sorry about her, you didn't mean anything by it. She isn't used to social behaviors yet so if she runs into something she isn't prepared for she tends to run off."

The lady was genuine in her remarks and I didn't intend to hold it against Lizzie.

"Now I heard what you said and I know what you need. A stuffed animal is always a good gift. Do they like animals?"

"He love animals, bunnies are his favorite." I said happy to finally get somewhere.

"Well I have something perfect for you. Recently we've started making custom made animal friends. I say you should make your way to the back of the store and talk to our tailer." She pointed to the back as she spoke.

I walked down the isles till I saw a man sitting at counter working on a bear. He had long platinum hair and grey eyes. He looked like he was in his late thirties but his eyes were ageless. Then suddenly he looked up and gestured me to sit down.

I sat quietly on the stool till he finished his bear. He then asked me a few questions.

"Who is it for?" He asked as he stiched up the bear's arm.

"A boy, turning 8 soon." I fussed with my hands a bit as I spoke.

"What is he like?" The man asked threading the needle once more.

"He's wonderful. Smart for his age. Determined to accomplish his goals. He's a bit sensitive but I don't see that as a problem. He gets lonely too...but that only means he needs more love. He sees the good in the bad without fail and he loves life in all its forms." 

"Tell me, how do you feel when he cries?" He casts a knowing look before returning to his work.

"I hate it. He shouldn't feel like the world is trying to hurt him. I want to protect him from it but everyone else says I'm sheltering him. I don't him to grow up with this me against the world mentality. I want him to trust others. I want him to stop crying and find me if he's feeling down."

"How important is he to you?" He asked putting away his finished bear.

"I don't know when but my life somehow became revolved around him. I was overcome with a need to protect him and to help him. It's like when a doctor finds a troubled case and have to fix it. His eyes drew me in and suddenly I wanted to help. Everyone who meets him experience the same thing. His soul calls out to anyone with his benevolent innocence."

"I see I'll start on his gift right away come back in a few hours to pick it up." He said moving to the back of his work station.

I was shocked he never asked about the animal type or colors. He flashed a smile before he started his work. Taking his word I left for a bit.

I came back later and found a wrapped gift I guessed was for Nagisa. The man was gone but he left a note.

"Wish him a happy birthday for me." It read.

* * *

 

The next day we threw a party at the rink and everyone came to wish Nagisa a happy birthday.

He panicked at first because there where so many people but he soon used too it. He laughed and talked to other kids that came by. He was more then excited to show of his skills on the ice to everyone. He looked like he was born to skate, maybe he'll follow in my footsteps one day and become a skater too.

I could already see it now. He's standing on that podium with a gold medal in his hand. A proud smile on his face as he talks to the crowds.

Then came time for the presents. Yuuko got him is first figure skating costume. An almost feminine blue suit with a flared skirt. It was inspired by the ballet dancers in the swan lake. Nagisa loved the Russian ballet for it story even though he questioned a lot of it. His new suit reminded me of a blue bird and not a swan however.

 Minako got him a few dolls and action figures. A safe move to be sure.

Mom and dad got him some custom made embroidered blankets and shirts for him. It seemed that they had the same idea as me.

Then there was my gift. When he opened it his eyes lit up like stars. He pulled a pure white bunny out of the box. It had big floppy ears and a cotton tail, it's eyes where little blue stones that matched his own. It had a pair of little wings on its back and a blue bowtie around it neck.

Nagisa kissed it's pink nose before pulling it too his chest and pulling something else out of the box. A pair of wings just his size. He didn't hesitate to put them on and running around like he was a flying. Then he ran straight into my arms hugging me tightly.

It was a good day.

* * *

 

I prepared to board the plane as I said my goodbyes. I didn't imagine leaving would be so hard but I knew this wouldn't be forever.

I was going to make everyone proud.

Everyone wished me luck and health as I hugged them.

Then I saw Nagisa. I sometimes forget he's still too young to understand why I have to leave. He held tightly to his bunny and held back tears.

"Don't go!" He whined holding onto my arm.

"I'm sorry Nagi I can't." I tried to soothe him as I pulled him into a hug.

"No! No,no,no,no! You have to stay!" He yelled.

"Nagisa your a big boy now, don't you want to send Yuuri off with a smile?" Mom tried to say.

"No! No!" All that can from him after were broken sobs as he clung to me like a lifeline.

" Flight 147 now boarding!" A voice said over an intercom.

I was out of time now. This was likely the last time I'd see him like this in person. I kept up a front to keep everyone from being upset.

"Nagisa, I have to go now. I love you and I want you to know that it's going to be OK. So don't cry anymore alright." I kissed him on the forehead and pulled away.

As I boarded I turned back for a moment. I knew I shouldn't have but it did. Mom was holding the boy back as he reached out for me. His cries and anguished sobs made me want to just run back and tell him I wasn't going to leave...but I didn't.

I took my seat and waited for takeoff. And when we finally reached the air I cried because I knew I couldn't take it back now. I was certain I had left a piece of me there, in Nagisa's arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sorry! I cried writing this so I hope you did too.


	4. Chapter 4

"Nagisa? Are you alright in there? We can talk about it if that's alright." Asuna(yuuri's mom) called from the other side of the door.

After Yuuri left the boy locked himself in his room. He refused to come out until Yuuri comes back and even refused to eat. Asuna tried everything from bribing to miner threats but the Nagisa was too stubborn.

In the end she had to call in the big guns.

Thirty minutes later the bluenett could hear a clacking noise coming from the door. The suddenly the doorknob was gone and in stepped the man who would make him rue the day he disobeyed Asuna.

Takeshi.

"Let's go! You have some apologies to make and chores waiting for you!" Takeshi yelled almost excitedly. Since his kid weren't old enough to be punished he took this chance to practice for that day.

Nagisa tried to escape but the man was too fast for him and he was thrown over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. The bluenett squirmed and kicked as he hauled back to the dining room.

Takeshi had to bare the force of the fit the boy flew into. Nagisa yelled and hit whatever was in his way as he tried to wiggle from the man's grasp. 

"No! I don't wanna! I want Yuuri!" Nagisa yelled kick and screaming as he was set down at the table.

Takeshi had lost his patients for just a moment and said something horrible.

"Well he's not coming back so you better get used to it!" He yelled thoughtlessly at the child. He covered his mouth but the words were already said.

Nagisa stilled for a moment. In disbelief he tried to say something back but the reality of the situation had already set in.

"But Yuuri said....Why did he leave me?" The boys voice was a low dulled whisper.

"I didn't mean that-" Takeshi tried to take it back but was interupted.

"What did I do?" Another whisper escaped his lips as a tear ran down his face.

"Nothing!" Takeshi was running out of options now, if he tried to distract the boy it could only get worse.

"Then who's fault is it? He's mad at me right?" Nagisa tried to find reason in his madness.

"Nagisa stop!" A female voice intruded.

The blunette turned his gaze to an upset Yuuko. She had a hand over her mouth as she held back tears of her own. She had a tearing pain in her eyes.

"Nagisa Shiota! Don't you ever say that again! Yuuri loved you more then you can imagine." Yuuko kneeled down beside him as she spoke.

"Then why won't he come back?" The boy focused on Yuuko as Takeshi pulled out his phone.

"Yuuri has a dream. Something he always wanted to do and the only way to get there is to go to America."

"What is it?" Nagisa asked quietly.

"He's going to become a figure skater. He wants to make us proud when he becomes famous!" Yuuko picked up the small boy and swung him in her arms before Takeshi passed her the phone.

Yuuko took the phone and walked into the other room before calling for Nagisa to come in.

"Someone be wants to talk to you." Yuuko said passing the phone to the boy.

Nagisa saw Yuuri on the screen!

"Yuuri!" He shouted in glee as he jumped around.

"Nagisa have you been a good boy while I'm gone?" Yuuri asked with a warning edged in his voice.

Nagisa nodded happily.

"No, he wasn't. I have the marks to prove it." Takishi chimed in only to be shushed my Yuuko.

"Please try not to hurt Takeshi, he's a jerk sometimes but he's a good person."

"Oh OK." Nagisa looked dejected before anew voice came in.

"Are you talking to your girlfriend or something?" They asked making Yuuri blush.

"No this is-"

"It's ya boiii Phichit!!" The loud man yelled making Nagisa hold the phone away from his face.

"Phichit stop. This is Nagisa the boy I told you about." Yuuri said moving Phichit out of the way.

"Let me see! He's so cute! Hey there little guy!" The bronze skinned man cooed.

Nagisa didn't understand the all of the English used but he knew he was being greeted and tried to respond.

"Nice to meet rue." He said politely.

"It's 'you' sweetheart." Yuuri said correcting him.

"Nice to meet rue too! How old are you?" Phichit hijacked the phone and continued to talk to the boy.

"Eight!" Phichit's excitement was contagious as the Nagisa answered his questions.

"Phichit he doesn't understand a lot of English yet. Can you hand back the phone?" Yuuri asked taking the cell back.

"Sorry Nagi I have to go now, I have training. You should remember to do the same alright. Also eat your food and kiss Vicchan for me! Love you!" The called ended as Nagisa said bye.

Asuna placed a pork cutlet bowl on the table and urged Nagisa to eat. She didn't know what would happen in the next few years but she knew Nagisa wouldn't be happy with this arrangement forever. Yuuri and Nagisa both need each other, they were family.

Nagisa wanted to eat but he didn't have the will to do so. He had a bad feeling.

Asuna sent him to bed after making him eat and sent Yuuko and Tekashi home. As she passed Nagi's room he could hear soft whining cries.

Nagisa would let it go soon.

It's unfortunate that Nagisa wasn't heard much of after that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Preview:  
> "I didn't want to hear any more of this skating business! A proper young lady must stick to the classics. Now you will take ballroom dance class instead. Now now take off those filthy pants this instant."  
> "Mom you can't do this!"


	5. Chapter 5

Yuuri slid his finger across the touch screen as he opened his phone. As he checked his messages he saw a missed call from his mother.

Before calling back he looked around his apartment for his roommate who had a habit of interupting. When the coast was clear he dailed the number.

A few rings in an answer.

"Yuuri?"

"Hi mom, you called?"

"Yes, but don't worry I solved the problem."

"What problem?"

"Nagisa had gone missing for a while but his mother called and said she was with him. They were bonding over their love for dance. She says that they were becoming close again thanks to you." She sounded genuinely happy as she talked about the revaluation.

"Really? T-thats great...." Yuuri tried to sound happy but he couldn't brush away the pit in his stomach.

"Unfortunately his father came by to thank us and to say goodbye."

"What do you mean?"

"Nagisa is moving to Kyoto. It's a lovely place." 

"But Kyoto is so far away..." Yuuri mumbled to himself as he considered what this would mean.

"I know but let's hope that we can all keep in touch." His mom sounded distressed when she said that.

She was clearly upset but knew she could do nothing about it. Yuuri on the other hand was inconsolable. He quickly said goodbye to his mother before grabbing his laptop and began looking up everything about Kyoto.

He was comforted by the fact it was a beautiful place. Lots of festivals and places to play, he would like it hopefully. But Kyoto is too far south for Yuuri's taste, he believed that Nagisa should be in Hokkaido where he belongs.

"Yuuri! What's going on?" Phichit burst in as he announced his presence.

He flopped onto my bed and began scrolling through his Instagram.

"Nothing it's just Nagisa." Yuuri mumbled as he considered his options on what to do about seeing him.

"You mean your 'not' son. The one you talked about when you first got here. The one cryed for after your tragic separation." Phichit laughed as he remembered Yuuri's first night here.

"Yes... He's moving to a place basically on the other side of our island." Yuuri sighed as he stood up and pushed Phichit to the other side of the bed as he buried his head in his pillows.

"Sorry man, I didn't know." Phichit stopped his teasing and tried to get I to stop worrying.

All Yuuri can do now is hope for the best as continued to work for his dream and pray that everyone back home can see him under the spotlight one day.

* * *

 

Nagisa was never so tired as he put away more boxes. It was made worse when he didn't even want to leave. Hokkaido was his home, and he loved the cold winters and the warm hotsprings. Asuna would tell him stories about the Yuki-onna as she performed her daily tasks. Her husband Shino would take him to fishing to see if any water yokai come to meet them.

At the next festival he was going to dress up as an ice spirit and skate with Yuuri. At least he wanted to.

**Nagisa p.o.v**

I went to Kyoto only because I had to. My parents had a divorce, a messy one at that and as far as who I would live with...both didn't want me. Not that I cared, I have a new family. I mean **had** a new family.

I held my bunny close to me as my mother opened the door. She looked frustrated as she looked at me in scorn. My mom wasn't a very nice lady, she would let her friends that I was the worst thing to ever happen to her and that she really just wanted a girl. But I still liked to see her happy for once. I still dressed how she wanted without complaint

"Nagisa what are these?" Mom said holding out my skates as she stared coldly at me.

"My ice skates." I mumbled quietly as I twittled my thumbs.

"Stand up straight! Don't play with your hands! And for the love of God don't mumble!!" Mom snapped as I drew back." You've become so unladylike and I will not allow my daughter to behave that way. Never the less, I think you won't be needing these anymore." She tossed the skates away into a trash been.

No! She can't just take them. Yuuko gave them to me, I was going to show her how good I've gotten when I come to visit. I need skating I don't care what she says.

When I skate I can feel Yuuri holding my hand as he leading be around the rink, I can hear Yuuko and Tekashi cheering me on as I practiced my spins, I can see crowds of people in the stand waiting with held breaths as I dance across the ice.

I won't let that go! No matter what!

"No! You take them from me! I want to skate and I will!" I yelled at her for the first time in my life.

Almost instantly I knew I would regret that. She was infuriated, her face was five shades of red. Then I felt a sharp stinging pain in my cheek before her hand clutched down on my shoulders as her nails dug into my skin.

"Don't you ever talk to me that way. You will never see these rotten blades again, and you will be happy to know that instead you will take etiquette classes as well as ballroom dance. Something truly majestic and not so strenuous on your body. Don't you know I'm doing this for your own good. You could never be a skater, your still so frail and small you'd break so easily." His mom tried to cook as she held me to her chest.

I'm not weak at all. I'm like Yuuri, I don't give up. If I fall I can pick myself up, I don't break. I won't break, not against her.

But as I felt my mother's embrace I relented. She smelled of jasmine and oil and like that I was under her spell again.

I'll pretend to be weak, just for a little longer. What does being strong get you anyway.

I slipped way in a haze, something that lasted for years as everything that made me an individual was striped away. My thoughts of Hokkaido where drowned out like rushing water. The inn was rubbed away like a ink stain. My memory of Yuuri persisted however until mother turned it into a burning resentment mixed with bitter tears.


	6. Chapter 6

_~5 years later~_

Bright lights shined down on a fair skinned dancer as they held a blue glittering paper umbrella. Their long blue hair fell like crystal water down their back. The dancer moved elegantly in a deep navy kimono embroidered with black and white koi fish. They sang softly as they twirled the umbrella.

A song of changing seasons filled the air as the dancer tried to remember their old home.

When they could no longer feel the comforting warmth of the past they cried. The small tears glistened like stars under the lights making the dance seem more beautiful dispute the dancer's pain.

The crowd of onlookers cheered and praised the beauty of the performer as the dance drew to an end.

Slowly the dancer bowed and moved backstage as the festival went on.

A water basen was layed out along with an multitude of cosmetics. The dancer stared deeply at their reflection and smiled. They were loved, they were wanted, but still they weren't happy. The one person who's love made a difference wasn't there and nothing could change it.

Long ago he learned not to care but still during the winter their heart was etched with ice. They replayed the last moments they had with him over and over. The way he said I love you before disappearing angered them to no end.

If he loved them why leave? They should be loved, no needed to be loved. And if they could not have his love he'd gain the world's love instead.

Not because he wanted fame but because he wanted to ease the pain of abandonment.

* * *

 

Thousands of miles away a young man cried in a bathroom stall. He hung his head in deep shame. He had failed his family, and himself. He had once promised he would be a gold medalist but finished last in his league. He left home and traveled the world to get here and still didn't make it.

Worst yet, he left a little boy all alone on a gamble that he would make them proud. Something the boy never asked of him from the beginning. All they ever asked of him was his attention and nothing more. And he had failed them most of all.

"I'm sorry Nagisa..." He said between his tears. "I broke my promise to you and everyone else."

Perhaps he was lucky enough that the boy could have forgotten him by now. Maybe he and his family are happy again and don't care about what could have happened to him. But that thought made everything worst.

* * *

 

Back in Kyoto a 12 year old boy walked past a shop window. He reminded himself he would need to return to the festival once more after he got more practice again. For a moment a glint cought his eyes. He turned to look at the t.v display, on it the results of the Grand Prix. Every young, ambitious, stupid skater dreamed of winning a gold medal for that event.

_**8th Katsuki Yuuri** _

The boy stared emotionlessly as he turned to continue walking. He simply couldn't care any more but he felt himself give a small smirk.

"So Yuuri, where your dreams lie, broken and torn and no where near complete. I hope it was worth it." The boy said under his breath as he felt better about his situation.

Now he knew what he wanted. He would skate again and this time take Yuuri's dream away. No one would stop him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know that feeling you get when your inbox is empty and you have no reason to update. I feel it. But I update anyway because I am unstoppable.   
> Anyways I'm considering changing my upload schedule to focus on this work but it seems like I should be keep an eye on my other stories.


	7. Chapter 7

Months went by and day after day Nagisa snuck away to a nearby ice rink. This was no easy feat. His mother would find out if he ditched school or didn't show up to his Kagura dance classes at the shrine. The main issue was getting past the mikos and monks who would punish him on the spot if he didn't obey the rules.

If he tried left early or broke a rule he would be put into a storage room after being given a few licks with a rod.

At first he used this to his advantage and once he was trapped in the storage room he would sneak out the window and returned before someone came to check on him. Another issue arose which was he couldn't get a full training session in. The solution wasn't easy and it cost him pride.

Nagisa didn't have much pride in himself because as far as he was concerned his body, mind, and soul belong to anyone who adored him. He was used to being told what to do and told who to be he didn't care about anything else. People at school would ask to be his boyfriend or girlfriend and he wouldn't say no because he didn't know any other answer. Even his most recent boyfriend was no exception. A transfer student name Karma who just carted him around didn't inspire him to change him mind. He wasn't a boyfriend so much as a friend trying ot protect him from strange guys asking him out.

When the young head monk became suspicious of his actions after the Mikos complain about his constant disobedience. So Nagisa confronts him by stealing his phone and leaving a selection of incriminating photos on said phone. He was prepared to the man arrested and chose to blackmail him instead. 

Don't read it wrong, the monk was no harmless man. Nagisa had the displeasure of being the victim of abuse of the sexual nature. The monk was made aware of the boy's gender early on by Nagisa's mother. She wanted her son to be thought to be obedient and learn the way a Miko must act. She wanted him to behave like she did at that age, but the monks silence about Nagi's true gender was not cheap. He would abuse the kimono clad boy when ever he was alone and got away with it.

Now it was Nagisa who got what he wanted and if someone said a word the phone goes straight to the police. In fact he gave the phone to Karma for safe keeping.

He could go to the rink all he wanted then but that wasn't enough. Hi s mother was getting far too pushy.

And as he came home still dressed in the skirt she forced on him that morning she suddenly snapped at him.

"How on earth did I end up with an cute daughter like you?" She pouted as she drank what most would guess was her third glass of wine.

Nagisa was used to her drunken rants by now since she's done it every other day since her divorce.

"I'm sorry." He said walking to his room to put away his kimono and dance equipment.

"No your not!" In a drunken slurry she pulled him by his pigtail into the kitchen." Do you know how I feel when the neighbors tell me about you going around with all these boys? It's humiliating!" She yelled.

"I'm sorry." He repeated trying to get away from her grasp.

"Tell me where you've been!" Squeezing his throat as she yelled louder.

"I was at the shrine." He said trying to escape as her nails dug into his neck.

"Liar! They said you didn't even come! Where the hell were you!" She went into a rage as she slammed Nagisa's head onto the table and held him there.

"Fine! I went to the rink!" Nagisa snapped at her as he admitted to his crime.

"Ha! The rink, always with that stupid rink! What the hell is your problem with that puddle of ice! I told you to stay away from there! Do you want to disobey me that badly, do you want to injure yourself that much?" She slammed his head into the table over and over again as she ranted endlessly.

Wordlessly Nagisa did the only sane thing he could think of. She wouldn't stop him from doing the only thing that felt right to him after all these years. He tore away from her grasp and winced in pain as he charged up the stairs into his bedroom. Then he pulled out his phone and called Karma.

"Hand the phone over!" He yelled and trusted Karma to remember what that meant.

Nagisa then dialed 911, knowing what this would mean he began to pack his bags.

He could hear the his mother's screams for him to open the door before she went quiet for a moment. In that moment of clarity she spoke again this time in a hushed motherly tone.

"My poor boy. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say those things. Mommies just trying her best to protect you. She wants you to be the person you truly are, her little girl. A girl so graceful and respectful that she can be loved by all. Don't you want to be that girl?" She cooed as she waited for a response.

Nagisa wanted to answer yes. He didn't want to be a girl but he did want love and to be loved by many was like a dream. But he also knew that love was a very versatile term. That monk said he loved him all the time and that what horrible. Mom said she loved him but she hurt him and never gave him any choices. Yuri said he loved him...but he still felt like crying when he remembered him saying it.

He wouldn't fall back into her trap. Even if she was his mother...no...he had no mother, not anymore.

Nagisa continued to speak with the 911 operator and ignored the woman. He wait patiently for the cops to arrive. The police put his mother in handcuffs, and one cop said she would likely lost custody of her son as he watched the boy be treated for his injuries. Nagisa would be examined by the doctors before being sent to live with his other family members. Which was all the way in Hokkaido.

Nagisa said his goodbyes to Karma at the airport a few days later before promising to visit him when he has to come back for the trial.

Then it was off to Hokkaido with a bittersweet smile on his face. He got what he wanted but what has he lost so far?


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fair warning this chapter has not been checked over but I with edit before the next chapter is out. Thank you for your patience.^_^

When Victor touched down in Hokkaido he could hardly believe the atmosphere he walked into. He wondered what sort of festivities where held in what was supposed to be the cooler months.

He pulled out a travel book on Japan and turned to a page labeled festivals. In a few weeks Yakumo Andon would be held. A celebration of children and families. He wanted to go and wondered if Yuuri had any young siblings that where going too.

Yuuri, he was going to see that handsome Japanese man again. Victor was practically floating as he walked to the baggage claim and to the kennels.

As he went to pick up Makkachin I noticed a lone girl. From her appearance she looked about 10. She wore a pink parka with a black dolls dress with knee socks. In her hand was baby blue carry-on and in the other a plush rabbit. He long blue hair whipped around as she searched for scanned the area.

"Are you lost?" Victor asked as the girl paced around. Victor kept his distance to avoid scarring her as he spoke.

The girl looked confused for a moment before making an 'ohh' sound.

"Hello." She bowed and kept her head low as she spoke in English. She accent was thick and it seemed like she rarely used the dialect.

Victor in turn changed to English as he repeated his question "Miss are you lost?".

"No, I'm looking for my bag so I can catch a taxi." She said astutely as she continued waiting for her bag.

Victor smiled as she scrambled to the grab the large black suitcase that glided past. It must of been to heavy as she dropped her stuff to the ground as she tried to pull the case off the belt.

Gently he picked up the stray toy and bag as he pulled the girl and her bag off the belt as she was swept away.

"Now if you have your things in order my I ask you where your parents are?" Victor asked as he helped her put her stuff away.

She looked at him confused for a few moments as she tried to work out the words to say. She mumbled English words under her breath before answering.

"No parents. Alone. On my way home." She said taking her bunny back. "Thank you." Bowing she held it close as she walked to the pick up area.

Victor was worried about her. He didn't know about the crime rate around here so he wanted to make sure she wouldn't get kidnapped or something. She seemed a bit too comfortable around strangers for his liking.

He went to the kennels where Makkachin was waiting and quickly signed so papers and let him out. Makkachin bolted from his cage and jumped on Victor and giving him lots of kisses.

Then the girl appeared again with a downcast face.

Victor hooked Makkachin's collet to a leash as he asked her what the problem was.

She slowly looked up showing of her red puffy cheeks as she spoke. "Lost."

Victor laughed as he took her hand and lead her to where he thought the front was.

They walked for what felt like forever as the child silently followed him. He stopped every once in a while to look at souvenirs he wanted to take with him.

Victor hummed to himself as looked at the colorful native clothes in a shop window.

"Kimono. I have lots." The girl said pointing to the dress.

"Really? What else?" Victor asked almost pandering to her level as she showed him more of the garments.

She began to attempt to explain how the wraps worked and what layered kimonos where for. She couldn't remember the word for princess or Noble woman and repeated the words 'hime' over and over until Victor just pulled his phone and translated it.

"I see a hime has many kimonos. Well then my hime you must be a princess." Victor said praising the girl as she blushed and pouted.

They ended up taking a break to get something to eat before looking for the exit again. Of course since Victor had no idea what the menu said the girl ordered for him. 

It was a cute treat called dango. It was a glazed sweet rice dumpling made into 3 colors|pink, white, and green|. It was served with green tea.

"So, I never asked you name." Victor said handing Makkachin a treat for being good and not eating the girl's dumplings.

"Kankeinai." She said through her bites of her food. She picked off a part of her dumpling and gave some to Makkachin who was amazed by her generous offering.

"Cute!" Victor couldn't help of squeal as he took pictures of the two. He was mindful of posting any of them since he knew he wasn't suppose to be here but he took lots of pictures of Kankeinai.

Her nature was so warm and it seemed to draw people in when she smiled. She mumbled words under her breath as she would pet Makkachin.

"Your much bigger then Vicchan. I wanna have a big dog like you one day." She'd say, but in Japanese so Victor couldn't understand.

After they finished eating the group continued to walk until Kankeinai pulled on Victor's hand to get his attention. Then pointed to the exit right next to him.

 "When were you planning to tell me where to go?" He asked certain that they past that door many times now.

Ichigo giggled before pulling Victor outside with her to catch a taxi. It was getting late and he wasn't completely aware of where Yuuri lived. So he hoped his new friend might be of help again.

"Do you know where Yu-topia is?" He asked putting faith in the girl knowing now that she was a trickster.

But the reaction he got was different compared to everything else he's seen all day. She looked sad but then she nodded. She pushed Victor and Makkachin into the back of a taxi and then spoke to the driver. As the driver took off, in the window Victor could see her waving goodbye before getting into her own car.

 

* * *

 

A few days later Victor was going through his photos and remembered making a album for Kankeinai after they met. He scrolled through the dozens of pictures laughing at the cute faces she made. He always liked kids even the mean to ones like Yuri. Yuri was cute too but the same kind of cute as Kankeinai but cute nevertheless.

He wandered if Yuuri liked kids too, that would be adorable. What if Yuuri wanted kids? Victor couldn't ask that now, Yuuri was such a shy precious baby, he can't just ask that.

"Yuuri! Come see this!" Victor called from across the ice. Yuuri looked up at he and blush before gliding over to him. With graceful and not at all subtle movements Victor wrapped an arm around Yuuri making the man yelp.

"Cute right I met her at the airport the other day! Wish I had a little girl like that." Victor swooned hoping Yuuri would agree.

Yuuri simply glared at the picture before scrolling across for more. The moment he saw the bunny he zoomed in just to make sure he wasn't seeing things.

"Where did you say you saw him?" Yuuri asked in completely serious tone. This was not the reaction Victor wanted and was confusing to say the least.

"She said she was going home, I'm guessing she lives around." Victor was thrown way off his game at this point as he watched the skater race out of the rink.

"What just happened?" He asked Yuuko as she walked over with a worried expression.

"Can I see the photo?" She asked in turn almost certain what was on it. She looked shaken to say the least.

"Her name is Kankeinai." Victor said seeing her eyes light up like a Christmas tree.

"No, it's not. His name is Nagisa." Yuuko stated cooly not knowing how to react to the news.

"What do you mean?"

"Do you know what Kankeinai means?"

"What?"

"It literally means, doesn't matter." Yuuko gave him a look that meant he was an idiot.

"Wait what! Wait again how does Yuuri know her."

"Yuuri would recognize his son anywhere." She said it softly knowing well what this would mean.

"Yuuri has a child?" Victor was shocked and concerned. Why didn't Yuuri say anything, did he trust him so little. Why wasn't the boy living in the inn.

"Yes and no, it complicated. Yuuri should tell you the rest. Nagi has grown alot, he used to be a cubby baby now he's getting bigger." Yuuko looked at the picture with pride be for asking for all the photos of Nagisa.

Victor could only imagine what could have happened to make the react to Nagisa's appearance. He wished that he could share that feeling and hoped to God that the child could be found soon so the story could have a happy ending.


	9. Chapter 9

With the arrival of the Russian Yuri, Yuuri distances himself a bit. Yuri was only a few years older then Nagisa yet he could help but feel endeared by his presence like he had been for his boy. Yuri has loud and stubborn but he couldn't help but remember everytime Nagisa would throw a fit. He was patient then and he would be now.

Somewhere along the line he even felt his forehead when he got a cold. It was embarrassing at first but eventually he owned it. Yuri was still a child and would be treated like one as long as he stayed at the inn.

The problem started when he realized something. Was he treating Yuri this way because he actually like him or because he wanted Nagisa back? If it was the former was if fair to Nagisa to simply replace. If it was the later was it fair to Yuri who never asked him to do so in the first place.

Yuuri knew he didn't have the same love he had for Nagisa as he does Yuri but he still wanted to keep Yuri close for the time being.

He couldn't tell Victor any of this. Yuuri couldn't trust the Russian on this matter. Victor just wasn't close enough for that kind of information to just be given to him. He wasn't ready to let he walts right into his life share something so precious with him.

Yuuri layed down on his bed and tried to sleep but the thoughts still boiled inside him. He remembered how cold his bed was without a tiny body curled up against him. He thought of all the time Phichit would  sleep next to him if he got lonely.

Yuuri wasn't lonely but he was worried. Was his little boy ok? Was he eating right? Was he still dancing? He knew he had no place to ask such questions but he needed to know. Because he wasn't really his family, even if he felt like he should be. How do you get that title, what do you have to do?

Vicchan jumped on the bed and layed his head on Yuuri's stomach as he tried to sleep. He and Makkachin were becoming good friends. Vicchan being the quiet one sets a good day example for the bigger dog.

Speak of the devil, Yuuri could hear the scratching of the oversized cottenball at his door then moments later he let himself in along with his overexcited owner.

"Yuuri! let's got to the festival!" Victor said pouncing on the poor Raven haired man.

The Russian gave no room for argument after all he needed someone how understood how things worked to go with him. Victor could also tell that Yuuri needed a distraction. He was at a loss on what to do at this point.

Victor wanted to help anyway he could so he tried to find Nagisa but their layed the problem. Should you find someone that clearly didn't want to be found. He never told Yuuri everything about his meeting with Nagisa.

* * *

"Do you like skating?" Victor asked energetically as they walked. The blue haired boy held onto his hand tightly as they walked closely.

The boy simply looked at his with a inquisitive gaze and then made a shrugging motion.

Victor pointed to one of the posters on the wall. It was a over advertised picture of Yuuri Katsuki posed elegantly as he skated. It was unrealistically beautiful so much so it was ugly to both onlookers.

Nagisa squeezed Victor's hand before looking down and mumbled something he thought the Russian couldn't hear.

"Honto janai Yuuri..."

The the blunette pulled him along without a word.

* * *

Victor was many thing but he wasn't an idiot. When he later translated any words he remembered the boy say he got interesting results. Nagisa mumbled the words 'not real Yuuri', something Victor did understand at first. The poster was odiviously horrid and was quite fake, but you can't actually call something fake unless you know what the reality is.

The fact that later the boy gave directions to the hot springs was telling, Nagisa knew exactly where Yuuri was and chose not to see him. Victor couldn't tell Yuuri that, never. He loved the boy too much to hear it and would only be upset but the news.

But Victor could understand somewhat of Nagisa's tellings. He himself left Yakov, a father figure to him without much warning and he felt bad about doing so. That didn't change the fact he had something to prove, people claimed that he was too selfish and arrogant to be a couch. Yet here he was training and encouraging Yuuri through everything. Not just that but loving Yuuri and hopeing to be loved by Yuuri, not for his own gain but in hopes he can make him happy. That wasn't selfish in his eyes at least.

Nagisa could be the same way, he might have something to prove and because of that he won't face Yuuri. He has something he needs to do and he must do it alone or with out a father figure to stifle him, just like Victor.

Victor didn't think it was out of spite either, the way Nagisa said Yuuri's name and held his bunny close said it all.

So the Russian dragged both out the Yuris with him in hopes of distracting his Yuuri from the situation he's stuck in.

It was a children's festival so it was very bright and cheerful with small kids running too and grow. Victor considered briefly if this was the right choice as he watched Yuuri stare wistfully at the children as played with toy swords and laughed with their parents in the afternoon sun. It slipped his mind that with the large number of festivals held Nagisa might have gone with him at some point. Mentally Victor facepalmed as he realized the world was bent on making Yuuri remember no matter what.

The rest of the evening went well. Yurio played games for a bunch prizes he was proud of and the rage quited when he found a few ones Yuuri won but he couldn't. Yuuri showed them to the shrine to pray for good health and luck, something this festival was all about.

Kids ran around with fox masks playing pranks and stealing candy, as adults tried to capture them in some game. Yuri even joined and they gave him a cat mask with a team of young masked kittens and told him to lead the charge on the fox team. Paint bombs where used in a big color war that ended with a tie as the fox team leader got Yuri at the same time as him.

When he finally returned Yuri was furious that a few foxes came by and stole the Hello Kitty Yuuri gave to him and few of the snakes he won. He pouted until he agreed to win him a new one.

Then the main event started right as the twilight hit. In front of the shrine a stage was set up as an announcer came on.

"Ladies and gentleman we have a special guest with us this year. A dancer from all the way in Kyoto from our sister shrine has graced us with her presence. She is the pride of her reign let me introduce Ichigo!" 

A young girl who bore a fox mask and a long gold and red layered kimono stepped forward.She bowed before pulling out a red featherd edge fan and began her dance.

Victor watched enthralled by the fluid movements made in harmony of the fan.

Yuri didn't see much in the dances as he could only see the restricted stiff movements made by her feet as her kimono kept her restrained. The lack of expression was concerning.

Yuuri watched with respect and admiration of the mastery of such an ancient dance.

Then the dancer's hands moved in such a fluid motion that the mask fell away revealing their face.

Pale skin with a blushing pink dusting her cheeks. Rose colored hair blended into her features. Her lips dyed red in a hue. Her eyes tented with a rosy shadow that made her skin look vibrant. She was gorgeous.

Yuuri however didn't agree. Red wasn't _**his**_ color because blue suited _**him**_ more. He knew exactly how this dancer was and wasn't going to let a dye job trick him. He wasn't amused but was somewhat bewildered by what he was seeing.

As the dance ended the crowd cheered loudly as Yuuri stepped closer to the stage. Watched as the boy excitedly slide off the stage and began absorbing all the praise. 

Slowly Yuuri reached out to the boy and tapped him on the shoulder. Nagisa or Ichigo whipped his head around and to see the man that changed his life after so many years. He was speechless as he stared into those patient garnet eyes. Eyes that held confusion and doubt.

How badly Nagisa wanted to hug him and escape from the stress just for a moment but couldn't show it. He knew wasn't a baby anymore, he shouldn't go crying to Yuuri whenever things got bad. He didn't need Yuuri.

"Nagisa what's going on?" Yuuri said in a hushed tone so achingly familer the now pinkett. A tone only used to comfort a child.

"I prefer to be called Ichigo when im in costume." He said softly yet coldly. He didn't want to hear his name these days, and he definitely didn't want Yuuri to call out to him. He'd rather forget how he was to become someone new.

"Why? Your name is perfect the way it is." Once again he used that voice.

"Just don't call me that ok!" Nagisa tried to remain calm but he could feel himself start to panic as he yelled at Yuuri

 "It's fine, I understand." Yuuri said trying not to ask too many questions. He knew that if Nagisa wanted to be called something he had every right to do so. He would understand now like he did from the beginning.

"Anyways I have to go now. It's late." He wanted to get out of this anyway he could.

"I see, I've been worried about you lately. Come by soon, we've missed you. Goodbye sweetheart." Yuuri said softly as he leaned down and kissed the boy on the forehead lightly.

Nagisa simply nodded and all but ran from him. His heart heart could only take so much as he thought of Yuuri's parting word. Sweetheart, he called him sweetheart one of the many pet names Yuuri called him. Tears flooded his eyes as he remembered how he got that name.

* * *

"Nagisa be careful! You'll get chocolate all over you!" Yuuri said watching the boy messily stir the warm chocolate mix.

White day was coming up so the boys where making candies to thank all the special woman in their lives. Nagisa said he'd never celebrated it so Yuuri wanted to prepare him for it. One day a young girl or boy might give him a Valentine's day gift and Nagisa will have to know how to make a special gift for them. It's usually cooking or knitting but Yuuri it too scared to teach him to use shape objects like that. Nagisa can get a bit stappy sometimes.

"Here." Yuuri stopped mixing as he watched the mess the boy made. He stepped behind him and held his hand then made a slow mixing motion as he thought him how to cook. Nagisa laughed in glee as he understood what to do. 

 A few days later white day came and gifts where givin. Nagisa gave Yuuri a small cute white bag with little heart shaped chocolates inside. He looked so proud of it, as he beamed at the man with so much admiration.

"I don't need this!" Yuuri said sighing loudly as he put the bag aside.

Nagisa gave him a look of shock before it turned to disappointment.

Then Yuuri lifted the blunette into his arms and cuddled him close, making the child giggle in glee.

"After all I have the cutest sweetheart ever right here!" Yuuri said kissing the boy on the cheek.

* * *

Nagisa instinctively covered his ears as to block out the sounds of his echoing memories. He didn't want to think about it. Tears rushed down his face against his will as tore away from the bittersweetness of it all. 


	10. Chapter 10

After practice Yuri decided to take a walk on the shoreline. Hokkaido was an interesting place at least, Yuuri's old man would ramble on and on about the tales of demons. About ice wemon and the northern wolves. Yuri preferred the tale of the the cat demon who searched for a human bride, or the one who turned into humans. In fact Yuuri said he'd take him to the cat shrine soon.

As he contemplated a snowy cat scampered by, it's tI'll held high with a deep blue bow tied to it. It's caller had a silver bell on it.

Yuri followed it as it ran across the beach, as he walked along side it he spotted a lone figure setting on the rocks. She wore a raspberry colored kimono with her rose hair in a neat bun. Her cat ran to her side, bell ringing.

Yuri knew who this was, he was Yuuri cherished little boy, one only a few years younger then him. One who was known for running away.

When their eyes met, aqua meeting forest an unspoken conversation took place.

'What is he doing here?' Yuri thought as he watched the boy pet the cat in his arms.

Then he picked up a stick and began making figures in the dry sand. Yuri watched as lines became kanji, he took a picture of the symbol and ran it through a translator.

lily: also written in making the kanji for Yuri

Slowly Nagisa continued to write more.

Tenderness; superiority

The pinkett smiled to himself as he watched the confused look on the blonde's face.

reason; justice; truth

The Nagisa watched Yuritake the stick from his hand and began writing his own symbols in the sand.

He sent him a message. One that could convey his stance on the situation.

MOPE: sea

You where ones like the sea. From what I saw. Baby blue hair and eyes. Yuuri would sometimes compare you to the ocean when he described you.

маленький: small; young; insignificant

Yet you where small and you still are. Young and inexperienced, I may be the same in most ways but I know more then you.

сила: strong

You turn from someone who loves you. Are you trying to prove something, that you can live without it.

глупый: foolish

You run away from your problems and won't even try to communicate with us. You had the chance to go back from the beginning but you won't. Yet you clearly want to.

удачный: lucky

You have someone who cares so much for you it's retarded. Yuuri might be some clingy idiot but at least he has a heart. One that's too big for its own good and made out of glass.

замена: replacement

Something I'm not. I know you won't understand what this all means but I can't take the place of you. I'm not blind I can see the way Yuuri trys to fill void you left behind. Victor said it's because he's worried but why? What kind of situation is causing this? What the hell is your problem?

Nagisa smiled good naturedly as he translated the words from his phone before laughing. He clearly didn't understand.

"Can't you see it's your fault?!" Yuri yelled as he threw down the stick as the bark began to bite into his skin from clenching his fist." Yuuri! He's miserable all because he can't understand why you won't talk to him! He cares for you the most in the world yet you- you- just go back to were you came from. If you don't like Yuuri leave, tell him you don't need him and just go..."

Yuri knew the pinkett didn't know Russian but he wanted these words to be said. He sighed before turning to leave, he suddenly needed a soak in the hot springs.

A somber Nagisa simply ignore the hissy fit and walked the other way. He had his reasons for staying away. Yuuri's love no longer mattered to him so why bother. 

What he didn't know what that another Russian was watching the exchange from the shadows. He shook his head and sighed. Those kids both needed some help.


	11. Chapter 11

"Yurio, what were you doing?" Victor asked, his voice calm and steady but his blue eyes seemed to glow in the dim lighting.

Everyone seemed to have gone to bed but the two Russians had something to talk about.

"What are yakking on about old man?" Yuri griped as he scrolled through his Instagram feed.

Victor rubbed his temples for a moment before taking the phone from the teens hands before continuing.

"What the hell give it back!" Yuri yelled in agitation as he tried to take it back.

"Not until you listen." The older skater said sternly, and in that moment Yuri remembered that even if he was goofy Victor was still an adult.

"Fine, what?" 

"Don't fine what me. What were you doing with Nagisa today?" Victor's voice was strong and commanding for once.

"Nothing..." Yuri tried to avoid eye connect as he lied.

"Really, because nothing sounds extremely loud. Yuri what where you thinking, how do you think that made you look?"

"I know thats not what your actually concerned about. So what if I yelled at him? Your oh so special little snowflake." Yuri mocked as he said it.

"You don't understand." Victor sighed as he tried to keep his composure.

"Understand what that he doesn't love Yuuri or you for that matter!"

"Yuri..." Victor said softly

"That Yuuri will never let it go!"

"Yuri stop." Victor said in a warning tone.

"It's pathetic how he clings to a boy who's never done a thing for him! Why does he matter so much anyway, he should just leave!" Yuri said practically shouting.

Then a snap echoed across the room. Yuri sat holding his cheek as he drew back and a frustrated Victor stood over him.

"You don't know anything. I know you want to protect Yuuri but making the Nagisa leave isn't the answer. Tell me were do you think he will go back to." Victor said cold as he felt his heart break. He couldn't believe he struck Yuri but he knew that there was little else he could do once the blonde was on a war path.

"I don't know home I guess." Yuri said in disbelief as he felt the throbbing sting in his cheek.

"Well you'd be wrong." Victor continued as he pulled up a story on Yuri's phone and ran it through a translator and handed it to Yuri.

The headline read: A Witch Among Us

_Just yesterday Shiota Hiromi was arrested under the suspicion of child abuse. Her 12 year old son was found locked in his room after he called the police. He had bruises on his body both new and old that revealed a history of abuse. Miss Shiota stated that her son often got hurt during his dance practice but this was disproven since he wasn't at practice that day. Shortly after talking with her more she began calling her son a girl revealing more of the horrible truth. Her son who's name will be kept classified has been proven to be physically, emotionally and verbally abused for some time. No one else in the family has seen or heard from him in years and due to Hiromi's control no one even knew his real gender. It was a shock when the towns sweetheart turned out to be of the more masculine sex, but all will agree they were fooled._

_But today new evidence has come to light of a monk from the resident shrine was in possession of provocative photos of the victim. While it was confirmed there was no rape, there was some damning evidence of sexual abuse and molestation. When questioned he stated that he was framed and that he was pushed into it by the mother to ignore the birth gender of the victim. It is likely he and the mother will be let go long after the boy reaches his 18th year._

"I didn't know..." Yuri said quietly as he thought over everything he said.

"I didn't either at first but when it came out I saw Yuuri reading it. He didn't take it well at all. I believes he's at fault-" Victor tired to explain as he was cut off.

"But he's not. He couldn't have done anything." Yuri said running a hand through his hair.

"Then is it Nagisa's fault, like you said before." His icy blue eyes almost glared as he spoke.

"No...You know I didn't mean it." Yuri tried but failed to find the words as he realized his mistake.

"It sounded like you ment it to me. What would have happened if he actually understood what you said, huh? To be put it a situation like that and when you finally get out someone tells you to go back because their unworthy of the love their given. He hasn't come back because he's scared. It's been five years since he's last seen Yuuri and he even insisted he be called another name. He clearly doesn't want to be himself anymore but can you blame him." 

"Victor, I'm sorry." Yuri said holding his head.

"You shouldn't be apologizing to me. What you need to do watch your mouth, all those insults and hurtful statements you make actually hurt people. They mean something to people. Nagisa has never done a thing to you, nor has Yuuri, yet you yelled at them both. Just because they make you slightly upset doesn't give you the right." Victor said finally as he gave the lesson to all this. He kept his voice stern and unmoving as he tried mimic his father's voice. "Yuri I don't want us to have this conversation again. Go to bed, now."

Yuri wordlessly retreated to his room as all the confidence Victor once had disappeared. Was it always going to be hard being the boss?

A laugh rang out as an older man came in to the room.

"It doesn't get easier. Being the dad means being the one they love but not always like." Yuuri's dad said sitting down.

"You heard?" He asked embarrassed by his display.

"I think everyone heard. Even in another language you can tell when a father is talking. These things happen when your responsible for making sure they grow up knowing right from wrong." The old man sighed remembering the arguments he had with Yuuri once apon a time.

"But did I do the right thing." Victor said feeling guilty for striking Yuri.

"I can't tell you to be honest but I know the best you can do is apologize in the morning. I've done the same before but I tried to make it right. Sure, he'll go to bed crying about how unfair it is but you'll have to remind him it wasn't done out of hate but of love because you're concerned that he'll do the wrong thing. I know it sounds bad but it's tough love."

" I see, I'll think on that. Thanks for the advice, goodnight."


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sit and eat some honey nut feelios as we watch the world burn.

A young boy gazed up the taunting symbol of his past with much apprehension.

Nagisa was reluctant to go to the rink but he already knew that it was the only one in the area. As he walked into the building he could feel vouge signs of the age. Pictures on the walls of famous skaters others of families and children together laughing happily skating. Their were photos of three little girls taking their first steps on the ice as Yuko their mother guided them. Then his eyes fell to a more familiar picture.

It was a picture of a small chubby girlishly cute boy with blue hair, his small hands held on tightly to his instructer to keep his wobbly balance. His teacher smiled brightly as they slowly glided across the ice. Nagisa tightly griped his bunny as he went to get some skates but not before hiding his bunny away in his bag and taking out a purple teddy bear. He then pulled his long pink hair out of their pigtails.

"Can I get a pair of skates size 6?" He asked calmly to the man behind the counter, who so happened to be Takeshi.

"Alright kiddo, here you go." He said handing him the skates before asking "Do you already know what to do?"

"Yeah." He hummed keeping his eyes low, clutching his teddy.

"What's your name?" Takeshi asked looking at the boy's features and marveled at the familer blue of his diet eyes

"Ichigo." Nagisa quipped as he remembered that old nickname.

"A quiet one, I get it. I'll stay out of your way."

Nagisa nodded firmly before slinking off from the adults eyes before he called Yuko in or something.

The pinkett quickly tied his laces and went to the ice, pausing for just a moment to saver the experience. Then he was gone, dashing to and fro, much like the child he was jumping and playing, free and wild. Messy spins and fumbling jumps, a smile a genuine smile he thought he would never give again. He couldn't focus at all on getting them right, he could only think of the warmth in his chest as he traced the cuts in the ice that belonged to a younger him, a brighter him, a better him.

He could feel the intertwining of his hair in his hands as he marveled at the feeling of freedom the loose ends gave him. He felt his rose hued dress flare up as he span in endless circles wanting nothing more then the feeling to never end.

From the outside he appeared as a beautiful girl with a gorgeous smile but to the man watching it was his pride and joy. His philia, no not philia, his love wasn't brothery in the slightest. It was called stroge, a familial love reserved for the special people in his life. A love for what he saw as his child because he believed whole heartedly they belong to him.

Nagisa looked up only for a moment and out of the corner of his eye he saw him. Yuuri was standing there at the edge of the rink, a brilliant smile on his face, eyes misty and as he noticed Nagisa gaze at him opened his arms. The scene, so familer to him.

He at first turned from the gesture, he was still cross with him without a doubt. But part of him still wanted to Yuuri close, a childish part of him who sought after the warmth, affection and attention of a parent. Something he had never received from his mom or dad. He just wanted Yuuri to hold his hand again, to say I love you before bed.

It was immature and even stupid but Nagisa ran to him. He almost threw himself at Yuuri as he hugged him.

"Why did you go!" He hiccuped and sobbed into the man shirt as he demanded an answer.

"I'm sorry. Shh, don't cry." Yuuri comforted as he hushed the boy.

Nagisa's cries only got louder as he felt the affection he had missed for so long.

"Papa..." He weezed weaky as he held tightly." Don't leave."

"Nagisa, did you...Call me Papa?" Yuuri said in disbelief crying himself in happiness.

"Don't go." He cried again."I was...I was so scared... I didn't want to go."

"Shh,I know, I know." Yuuri soothed him again.

"Papa, I so sorry for forgetting what you thought me."

"My son."

(God damn it Hamilton!)

"I don't wanna go back." Nagisa looked visibility afraid when he pulled away.

"What's wrong?" Yuuri tried to pry as the pinkett turned his head away. "Look at me. What's wrong?"

Silence

"Are..Are they hurting you?" Victor asked in a serious tone. He had been there the whole time not that anyone noticed and his feelings weren't hurt...Badly. He was the emotional support and all, not that this room needed more emotions.

Nagisa shook his head.

"So no one put their hands on you. Are they mean? Is your dad not taking care of you?" Yuuri began firing out question after question as he worried endlessly.

"I'm not living with my dad. He didn't want me, I was put into foster care." Nagisa said quietly. He was abandoned and abused, no one could blame him for being upset and happy to be with Yuuri again.

Yuuri didn't know how to take the news, he was glad Nagisa was out of his families care but shocked that anyone could leave such a wonderful boy behind. Then he remembered he did the very same thing, if anything he was almost exactly like Nagisa's father. Still he was here and they weren't, they don't love or deserve him.

"Can I take you home? I could be your daddy." Victor asked cheerfully as he kneeled down to the pinkett's level.

"Noooo." Was the boy's blunt response giving the Russian the side eye.

"Victor you can't just say that!" Yuuri said frantically as he felt Nagisa bury his face in his stomach.

"What?! Fine how about co-custady, I'm sure he would love having two dads!" Victor tried again this time worst.

Yuuri held a breath to keep from panicking over the stupidly cute things the man said. It was fortunate that Nagisa wasn't fluid in English enough to understand what the adults where really talking about.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guess how's back, back again, cuties back tell a friend! B-)

* * *

Yuuri took Nagisa home that night. Everyone was excitedly talking about find memories as they ate dinner. The poor boy wasn't spared any embarrassment as they took turns telling their Russian guests about the worst temper tantrums and crying fits Nagisa ever had. Yuuri even translated the whole thing while laughing.

"He cryed while hugging it, a snake about 3 feet long. When I asked why he said 'It doesn't have any arms! How does the thing eat!' then he tried to feed it his apple slices!" Mom said laughing helplessly at the antics.

Nagisa cringed as he listened to the story praying to God for the sweet release of death.

"I'll give you one better mom." Mari said standing up."He was up late one night after being told to go to bed. He said he saw a monster so I asked him 'Is it scarier then Yuuri if he find you up late?'. He went right back to his room without a sound. I guess a room full of monsters is better then facing dear old Daddy here." She said patting Yuuri on the back as he told Victor the story.

Victor laughed as he saw the look on the pinkett's face. Nagisa flushed when both Yuuri and Victor prepared stories of their own. There was no god to help Nagisa now.

"Did you know when I first met Nagisa and before he dyed his hair, I saw him trying to get his bag off an convaver belt. But he ended up being dragged across it instead, I had to run to pick him up and take both him and his bag. If I didn't do that he'd probably be stuck buried under all the luggage!" Victor yelled as Yuri burst out laughing. He held his stomach as doubled over.

"Rojin damage!" Nagisa yelled pulling on Victor's clothes.

Victor assumed the boy wanted his attention but instead he got a hand pulling his cheek angrly.

"What did he say?" Yuri asked as he pulled out his phone and took pictures.

"He said he thought that was mean." Yuuri said shrugging off the lie

"He can't speak English." Yuri said clearly not buying it.

Yuuri ignored the comment as he considered taking the time for his story but decided not to embarrass the boy further.

Everyone was just happy to have the whole family back together even with the new additions.

But like most things the time they had was fleeting. Yuuri, Yuri and Victor where still preparing for hot springs on ice to see who Victor would coach and after they would likely move on to the Grand Prix.

If Yuri won, Yuuri would stay in Japan and Victor and Yuri would go back to Russia. If Yuuri won, Victor would stay and be his coach.

Yuuri thought this over in his head and considered getting the others input on what to tell him after he leaves.

Oh, yeah. Nagisa couldn't stay with them. The orphanage has strict rules on time. If anyone was out late the police would be called and being from a smaller center Nagisa's absence would be noticed. How tagic.

So the pinkett didn't say much when it was time to go. He snuck off under everyone's nose as they talked. Yuri however did notice and grabbed him before he put his shoes on and walked out the door.

"Are you really doing this? What is your problem?" Yuri sighed loudly as he held the younger boys arm. He almost expected this to happen at this point but seriously, was he some kind of ninja."Where do you think your going without a goodbye?"

The pinkett stuck his tongue out as he blew a raspberry at the blonde. The taunt made Yuri want to dangle the annoying brat from the rooftop but he digressed. But the he thought fuck it and pins an arm behind the boy's back like a school yard bully. Sure he'd definently get in trouble for it but I'd be worth it.

Yuri felt like jerk when the boy yelped and he let go but Nagisa started it. 

 "What are you boys doing?" Said a voice appearing out of the ether.

It was of course Yuuri Katsuki with an irritated look on his face. A face the boys had never seen. It was like Satan with a headache had created such a mood.

Yuuri grabbed both Yuri and Nagisa by the ear and yanked them both outside.

"He started it!" Was Yuri's only reponse.

"Well I've finished it. Now I hope you know that both of you are in trouble. Nagisa for trying to sneak off and you Yuri for bullying him over it. Now the both of you, apologize!" He was resolute in his tone as he held the boys in place.

"Why the hell should I -" Yuri was cut off as he felt Yuuri grip the back of his neck begging him to finish that sentence.

"What was that Yuri? Your very sorry for making a scene and reacting harshly to Nagisa leaving?" Yuuri said smiling, a certain smile that threatened certain doom.

"Yes, I'm sorry." Yuri grumbled as he shrunk away from Yuuri's burning garnet eyes.

"I'm sorry too..." Nagisa said softly also trying to escape Yuuri's grip.

"Great! Now that you've made up walk Nagisa home and apologize to the people in charge for him being late." Yuuri ordered handing them their shoes.

"What am I supposed to say!? I don't speak your language!" Yuri exclaimed as he was shoved on his marry way with the pinkett in tow.

"Figure it out." Yuri stated simply as he kissed both boys on the forehead and said goodbye. Then he walked inside to rejoin the others, as Yuri scrubs

So the kids walked the illuminated streets as a cold breeze rushed by. Yuri felt almost comforted by the silence but something nagged at him. Nagisa was a strange person, an anomaly even. Looking at him you can make a list of wrong assumptions. One being his gender, another being his personality, another about his past in general. He was like a little princess in his appearance alone, well taken care of and polished like a gem. Pure elegance in every move, it was nothing but a ruse. A ruse used to fool people like him into not worrying about him and not asking to many questions. You'd think he was a wealthy kid love by all but he was an abandoned orphan with only the glittery remains of his past.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean what I said before. I can be pretty selfish sometimes, I wanted to protect Yuuri and I thought-. I'm not used to having someone like him in my life, constantly encouraging me and smiling at me even if I said something mean. I always thought it was better to be hated by everyone that way it wouldn't be burdened with caring. Yuuri is strange, he ignored all my insults and still praises my good work." Yuri looked Nagisa in the eye as he talked but it was really just a conversation with himself. Then he looked away and continued ahead, talking as he heard the tapping of Nagisa's shoes behind him." Nagisa I can understand now why you didn't come back, you didn't want the burden of caring right? You knew that going back to Yuuri would only make you attached to another person. You didn't want that right? Another adult that could hurt you just like the others, just like Yuuri did to you before."

Yuri could feel a weight lean against him as two arms wrapped around him from behind. He could hear the sound of small sniffing being held back. Nagisa cried bitter and angry tears as he held onto Yuri. Yuri made no effort to turn around, the pinkett probably didn't want anyone to see him like this. So he waited until the boy's tears where gone, taking in the sight of the dark starry sky.

"So you do know English." Yuri said almost smugly as the crying died down. He had suspicions on how much he understood.

"Well yes, but I have my reasons for remaining quite. People tend to treat you differently depending on how smart they think you are. Their true natures are revealed but that. Like how you talked to me by the beach." Nagisa spoke in perfect English as he stated it like it was odivious.

"Why?!" Yuri shouted feeling more like trash knowing Nagisa knew everything this whole dang time.

"Well it's simple, when I used to stay with the Katsuki's they wanted to make sure I was learning how to count money. So they would hold up a 100 yen coin and a 500 coin and ask which one I wanted, and every time I'd say the 100 yen one. When they asked why I'd say because it's shiny and they were so amused they'd just keep giving them to me without realizing what I was doing. Soon I had alot of money just for playing dumb." 

"That's kind of evil you know." Yuri said considering what other things the pinkett played dumb about.

"No it's smart, in this world you learn to play ball or lose the game. I do these things because I must. I change to fit the narrative." It sounded so sad to here him say that but it was true.

"Your an enigma, Nagisa you really are. Do you even understand yourself?" The question remained unanswered as they walked towards the entrance of the orphanage, or center, whatever they want to call it now.

Yuri stopped to talk with one of the guardians as Nagisa slipped past and went to his room. As always the other kids couldn't help taking a shot at him.

"Hey girly!"

"Hey pinky out with your boyfriend all night?!"

"She really wants to be a girl huh? Maybe we should help her out!?Hahaha!!"

"Eww! Don't call that freak a girl!"

"I say next time we dye his hair green or something."

Nagisa ignored them as he closed his door and went to bed. He wouldn't let them see him get upset. So they dyed his hair so what he was going to own it, so what most of his male clothes where torn or destroyed by them, he'd change and learn to deal with it. He wouldn't even complain, he was better then that because soon, soon something that to change, somehow. He had hope for some kind of change would come. He could be saved from this hell, right?


	14. Chapter 14

Yuri walked back with a sober mood. He took a tour of the facility Nagisa lived and had a good idea of what it's was like for him. The lady told him that the boy used to wear clothes for both boys and girls clothes and while he wasn't vocal he used to talk at least a little. 

Yuri knew somewhat that he was being bullied but he refused to interfere. If the kid wanted help he'll ask and theirs nothing wrong with a little teasing as long as they don't so much touch him. 

Must be hard though, to be in that kind of situation. Yuri was close to being in the same, after all his grandpa wasn't the healthiest man alive and without him he'd end up in some godforsaken orphanage as well. He was lucky, Nagisa not so.

For fucks sake, it's like the world wants ruin his life. Yuri laughed an uncomfortable ackward laugh that only fooled himself. Why did he care? Why did anyone care about this kid? It's the only thing people talk about anymore.

Yuri thought once more about Nagisa, how he smiled a small sweet smile. How his eyes asked only for your attention. How he looked like that at any moment he'd cry. How he turned away if you got too close.

The kid needed help, he needed someone to help him. Dispit how he seemed earlier he still wasn't put together in his head.

Yuri entered the inn and took his shoes off by the door. He didn't have the energy to bath right now so he went straight to bed. But then he heard something.

In another part of the house two young men where up talking late.

"He's not going to be happy. But I need to do this."

"I know, but Yuuri are you sure? This is your private life, I know that but-"

"What will happen if stay? I love Nagisa, no one can say otherwise and I want what's best for him but right now I know what's best for me."

"And leave him behind again?"

"...The others will look after him."

"Like last time?"

"Victor, don't say that. He's fine we're he is now, he won't be going anywhere."

"What if they take him back or someone else adopts him?"

"Then he could be happy with a new family."

"You know he won't got for it."

"I know it sounds selfish, but I want to give skating one last shot. When I left I made a promise to him that all our time apart was for a good reason. Yet, I came back empty handed. I have to keep that promise."

Yuri tried not to easedrop but he heard what he heard. He rushed to bed knowing he shouldn't interfere.

 

* * *

 

Yuuri sighed as he sat down on the bed. He needed to have this conversation with Victor at some point but this is getting complicated. If he stays in Japan he gets to be with his son but Victor will leave and continue his life without him. If he goes maybe he can makeup for his broken promise and return to his family with pride and continue to skate. Victor however doesn't know what could happen while their away. He wants to help, but there's a barrier between them. It was a family matter and he didn't have the right to interfere.

But still as he watched Yuuri hold his head in his hands, stressed out by what the best option was, Victor felt the need to do something. He wasn't going to be helpless. He cared about Yuuri too much to let him do this alone.

"Yuuri," He said as he sat next to the man "I want to help you but I need you to trust me."

Yuuri gave him a pitiful look. He tried to hide it as he tore his gaze from Victor's warm blue eyes. He felt guilty for what he had to say next.

"I'm not sure if I can, but I want to. Victor if you can, please help." Yuuri sounded sincere but sad. He really did want to believe Victor could do something but how much can be done?

Victor tried to not let it get to him as he took Yuuri's hand and placed a kiss on the back of it. Yuuri smiled slightly at him, blushing only a little.

 "I know you'll go no matter what, so the best thing we can do is prepare him for it. Let's make it easy, for all of us. Including Yuri, he won't admit it but he'll find it hard to go back to Russia after these few weeks." He had a plan but their was no assurance I'd work out fully.

 "How do you want to do it?" Yuuri smiled as realized that Victor care more for those around him then he thought at first. True the Russian wasn't terrible but he had a habit of thinking of what he wanted before what everyone else wanted. This was an improvement.

"How about we write a program for him and have him perform it at the competition. That way we can still spend time together. Then after your qualified to move forward to the Grand Prix we'll still call and video chat."  Victor genuinely wanted to see Nagisa dance along side Yuuri and Yuri at the hot springs on ice, to see him smile. He felt attached to the boy for a reason, they shared the same fear. The fear of losing. Whether it it was losing affection or losing a competition, he could see the fear in the boy's eyes where he begged Yuuri not to leave him. Victor remembered what it was like to beg for the attention he wanted growing up. Someone shouldn't need to beg for that kind of love, so he'd make sure he shouldn't have to. And he won't, because if he could help it that boy will be spoiled rotten.

"No one gets left behind this time." Yuuri sighed with relief as Victor said it. He felt some of the guilt he had ebb away. Yuri needed to hear this, that there was some kind of plan.

"Right!" He pulled Yuuri close to him earning small laugh from man. 

"So this program. What are you thinking?" 

"What was his favorite song?"

"Besides annoying pop songs and very dark and disturbing ones, he had a certain few he loved more then any others."

"What were they about." Victor wanted a theme to fit boy

"Cute loving things. He'd sing them aloud all the time so much I memorized them." Yuuri remembered getting so fed up with the songs but gave in and bought a music box so if he needed to sneak out of bed he wouldn't wake the boy. So he ended up loving the music in the end.

"Sing one! You have to!" Victor practically begged to hear one.

Yuri tried his hardest resist the Russians' hopeful gaze but gave in just this once. He knew this one well enough.

 _Dango, dango, dango, dango_  
_Dango, dango, daikazoku_

Yuuri could hear it. The sound of a tiny boy humming to himself as he made little snow dongos.

 _Yancha na Yaki dango_  
_Yasashii an dango_  
_Sukoshi yumemigachi na_  
_Tsukimi dango_  
_Osumashi goma dango_  
_Yotsu ko kushi dango_  
_Minna minna awasete_  
_Hyakunin kazoku_

 _Akachan dango wa itsumo_  
_Shiawase no naka de_  
_Toshiyori dango wa me o hosometeru_  
  
_Nakayoshi dango te o tsunagi ooki_  
_Na marui wa ni naru yo_  
_Machi o tsukuri dango boshi no ue_  
_Minna de waraiau yo_  
_Usagi mo sora de te o futte miteru_  
_Dekkai otsuki-sama_  
_Ureshii koto kanashii koto mo_  
_Zenbu marumete_

"Your amazing Yuuri! But I have no idea what you said!" Victor was both confused and infatuated with Yuuri even more.

"I could try again but how about this time when you listen you need to be focused on the words and not on me." 

"Whatever you say." Victor said clearly not listening.

_Dongo Dongo Dongo Dongo, Dongo my family_

_There is a stubborn roasted dongo and gental bean jam Dongo_

_If we could gather them together we'd have a family._

_The baby Dongo smile smiles at, and is always cradled by it's parents love_

_The elder Dongo sits back and muses over memory_

_If only everyone could see that just by holding hands like the Dongo family you will find love_

_Now the little Dongo town is slowly blossoming_

_Into the bright world I dream of_

_Just beyond the starry sky_

_The rabbits on the moon wave_

_And smile down apon the world below_

_Roll up all the little things that make you sad and find_

_All the things that make you happy_

_"_ A lovely song, a lovely voice, a love program will be made!" Victor was practically blossoming in excitment 

"Really, what's the theme?" Yuuri said leaning back to catch his breath.

"Filia or the love of a son. Just like your Stroge the love of a parent. Pure and innocent, always limitless but always not enough. The feelings he has for you." There was no doubt he was right. So Victor wore a smug face as Yuuri gave him an agitated look.

"Shut up, you can be right and not rub it in." Yuuri as he left the room. He was done with this man now.

"Good night to you too!"

 

 

 


	15. Chapter 15

It's cold this morning. I huddled myself under the covers to try to block out the chill. It was like ice stabbing at me skin, the thin blanket surrounded my form did little to help. As I shifted I heard the sound of purring next to my head. I knew it was Melody, my snowy little kitten. I found her outside not too long ago, she had found one of my teddies and ripped off his bell. So I put it on one of my old ribbons and made a collar with a little bow for her, now she doesn't leave my side.

I wanted to send a photo of her to Karma but they broke my phone. It's a shame, Karma loves cats. I remember when he took me to the cat Cafe for a date that one time, an orange tabby curled into his lap as we talked about school. I was happy then. We weren't really a couple, I know. But having someone around that could protect me felt...nice. But I felt weak sometimes, watching him defend me from those bullies.

Karma, I wish you were here.

I knew it was time to get up, I don't have school yet but I might as well get used to waking up on time.

I tucked my hand under my pillow as I pulled my rabbit out. His blue eyes shined in the early morning sun that seeped through the window.

'Good morning to you too. It's time to face the day.' I whispered under my breath to him as I creeped over to the mirror.

Slowly I looked to my reflection. I always dread this part but I knew I had too.

'Eww, you look like death. A very pretty zombie but still dead.' I teased myself half heartedly. I wasn't wrong my eyes looked drained, like someone took its color away. My hellishly long hair reached down my back, it was tangled like pink yarn. I started to miss my blue hair but the pink was growing on me. I hope they don't plan on doing another dye job anytime soon.

I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and took out my favorite brush and began the chore of untangling my hair till it fell into a long silky wave. I'd leave it down for now.

Picking out an outfit was both annoying and sad. I liked dresses and skirts just fine but.. I liked pants too, running around in jeans was fun. I missed climbing trees. Then when it was time to fine new dresses I didn't like it. They never fit me right, too big or too small, not made for me. Then it was the same for boy clothes, too small or baggy. Not made for me either.

I was made wrong: thick hips, slender waist, broad shoulders, short, long arms. I was supposed to be a boy right? Or was I just a girl who's trapped? I didn't feel like a girl. I don't want to be a girl.

Asuna used to tailor my clothes so I'd be comfortable so I wouldn't question myself all the time. Mari would simply say I was thinking too much. Yuuri would brush it off and say I was perfect the way I was. For a while I that was happy just to hear that but now.... I'm getting older, how will I grow. Will I see a boy or a girl? I don't want to be either right now.

I ok with being a boy though. Boys are strong and cool. So nothing else matters.

I picked out a simple short blue satin dress with a a small bow on the back. Then I pulled on a pale white shall to cover my bare arms. I look into my reflection again and this time I see a young girl who looked nothing like me. I started calling her Ichigo. She's a pretty and sweet girl, I like her. I'm bitter and unnatural, but she still smiles for me.

When I'm lonely I talk to her. I tell her about my family, so she would frown. I tell her about Yuuri and she'd look disinterested. But when I told her about dancing and fame she'd look so excited. She alone was the company I had here, a reflection in a mirror, born from the lonely dark places in my heart.

I gathered any thing I needed for the day in a small hand bag and made my way to the dining room with Melody following at my heels.

"Why isn't it our own little Disney princess, early to rise as always." One of the workers mocked as I passed by. I ignored her as I turned to the kitchen. I watched as the kitchen staff prepared breakfast for a moment before one of the women spotted me.

"Out'a here with ya, you little runt! Your still a little gal, you wanna help go to the laundry." She said as she pushed me out the door.

I couldn't be bothered to go do stinky old laundry duty so I went outside to the playground where some older kids where playing. Melody ran around my feet as I walked and soon it became a dance as she weaved between my legs and I span around. If this was a competition we'd get first place. I laughed as I thought about us in one of those dog dance competitions, no one would expect the cat to win. But she would win, because she was amazing, even a blue ribbon dog like Vicchan or Makkachin would agree.

I was lost in my dance as I felt something hit my head. I looked up and I saw garbage, lots of it falling down on me. A few kid on the balcony emptied trashcans on me as they laughed.

"What a airhead!"

"Does she wanna be a princess or something, playing with her little animal friends!"

"She is a little princess after all the only thing she talks to are her animals! It suits her since she's so pathetic, no prince would ever want her though!"

 "Didn't you hear **him** the other day **he** says he's a **boy!** That even grosser!"

"Ew, so little trash girl is a little trash boy!"

 "They say it doesn't even have a real gender, it wears whatever it's givin, like a begger!"

 I wouldn't let them see me cry, I'm better then that, I'm strong. I'm a boy, I can handle it. So I bolted back to my room covered in God knows what.

Then I spotted a figure in front of my door, it was Yuri. He looked irritated as he scrolled through his phone before he looked up blankly to me. Then his face changed drastically, he was angry, very angry. He grabbed me by the arm and dragged me into my room. He sat me down on the bed before he left the room and came back with a warm rag. He tried to press it to me cheek before I pushed it away.

"No, don't touch me." I tried to say before once again he pressed the rag to my face.

"What the hell happened?" Yuri asked enraged as he scrubbed the dirt off my face.

"Stop it! I'm all dirty and I smell!" I tried to convince him that he should stay away as I felt my cheeks heat up and my eye well.

"Shut up and tell me what the hell happened!" He yelled as he picked out the trash clumps in my hair.

"The other kids-" I started but Yuri interupting.

"I knew it, I'm telling Yuuri all about this-"

"No don't, please don't! Yuri, I'm begging you. Don't Tell him. I grabbed his arm and pleaded to him.

For a moment Yuri just looked at me before he turned his head.

"Fine, go take a shower and get dressed we're leaving after that."

I scurried out of the room before he could stop me. I already knew that they were waiting to ambush me in the baths but maybe if I hurry Yuri wouldn't notice or hear. God I hope he doesn't hear.

* * *

 

"Yuuri, I was on my way to the rink with Nagisa but he unfortunately slipped and fell in the mud. We'll be late getting back." Yuri said softly over the line.

"No, didn't get any pictures. Tell Victor to stay out of this!"

Yuri looked up nearby clothing stores to see if they carried the kids sizes. He was too old to be playing dress up now and he'd be damned if he let the kid be kicked around because of a dress.

 


	16. Chapter 16

* * *

Karma was up late again for the fourth time that week. Not doing any work, just staring at his phone. Slowly he picked it up and checked for any missed calls.

Nothing, no messages, no calls not even an email. Just one would be fine if any. Just a 'hey' or 'im fine, don't worry'. Karma didn't want things to go back to when he'd get phone calls not in the middle of the night filled with yelling and quiet sobs but he needed to know if his friend was okay. 

Karma had his own guilt to bare in this after all, he tried everything he could to convince Nagisa to go to the poice, hell his dad was the head of the station but but that cute little foll would always give that witch the benefit of the doubt. He aways forgave too easily, Karma knew that too well. The blunette forgave all those stupid bullies after they started dating.

He forgave Karma for all those stupid things he'd do, like forgetting to walk him home, or getting in trouble with the school after the numerous scoldings he'd get. He even forgave Karma for forcing him into this relationship.

Karma had a crush on Nagisa when he thought the blunette was a girl. So when the other girls at Nagisa's school were bullying him Karma swooped in and told them to back off because he was his boyfriend. The stunt went well because the girl left after that. From there Karma was finally able to go from a secret admirer to a friend, it was like one of those mangas Nagisa would read. 

He convinced the blunette to fake date him just so he could get closer to him, he hoped that if it went well they could be together for real. It was a selfish thing to do. He lied saying that it was to protect him when....no one was really after him. He made Nagisa afraid for nothing.

Then his friend told him about his true gender, he felt betrayed. But then he realized if anyone betrayed anyone it was him, he was one with the real undercover motives. Karma leaned that he didn't care about gender, because he really did like Nagisa regardless of something stupid like that.

Then Nagi's mother got in the way, preventing his friend from seeing him and pushing them apart. He was forced to put his feelings aside and stuck to supporting his friend for as long as possible. Now she's gone and still she was able to cause another rift between them. How dare she!

Karma knew something was wrong and he was going to find out what. He's worked too hard and for too long to allow someone to break his bond with someone as special as Nagisa.

The redhead set to work picking the locks to his father's office. Quickly he went through the case files to find any information he didn't already know.

A small paper was signed with the words update on them. 

_The victim Nagisa Shiota was signed over to the government by his no longer legal guardian Toka Shiota. The reason being that the father had been remarried and had no time to care for another kid. Apon return to Kyoto victim will go under phycological evaluation before standing trial. We will notify you in case any issues come up._

The paper was from the local police unit of Nagisa's area. So a government housing for miners, an orphanage, not even a foster home. What sort of world is this? Are some people really meant to suffer?

Karma wanted to tear the paper apart but he noticed the area code and phone numbers on the paper. He'd have to tell his dad he went through the papers again but if it meant that he'd have an excuse to track down his friend his parents would surly agree to let him go.

And so the next morning he and his ever traveled mother were on their way to Hokkaido. Mom turned out to be just as worried for the blunette and also being a lover of travel made the transaction quick.

* * *

 

"Hold still, I'm almost done!" Victor scolded for the pinkett for the hundredth tine.

Nagisa got a bit to excited after Yuri took him shopping. The blue jeans, black lynx shirt and navy Kitty eared jacket was the blonde's signature style after all. Nagisa thought it was a good idea to climb a tree, something that only a dress could stop him from. Trees were at the top of Yuuri's worried list, mostly because Nagisa is good at getting into them not so good at getting down. So in a sense Yuri got Yuuri's cat son stuck in a tree. But Yuri is nothing if not a responsible teenager because he got Nagisa down but the boy's long hair snagged on every branch on the way down.

So while the new look was great the new hair not so much. Victor, the only one who knew about what to do with long hair had to help pick out the twigs. Nagisa squirmed as Victor pulled a comb through the matted mass of pink fuzz. Yuri and Yuri where cought up in practice to notice the small painful whines the boy made as Victor plucked another twig off.

Once it was over Nagi's hair looked like roadkill so Victor was forced to find a solution. He go a bowl of warm water and a brush for his mother's easy trick to unmat hair. 

Some time later, the hellishly long hair was smooth again with a little something extra. The hair wasn't naturally straight to Victor's surprise it was a soft wavey look, like beach waves. His bangs fell into a sweet innocent curl.

Victor saw a bit of himself in Nagisa. He was a crybaby once too. Victor's mother used to scold him for getting dirty or messing up his hair and he'd cry too. However he wouldn't scold Nagisa, he was still a kid and even if they didn't want him to get hurt a few scrapped knees are worth the memories.

But in all seriousness, what the hell is with the hair, it's so long and thick and beautiful! It's not fair! Victor was almost jealous but he was also kind of proud. He pulled something out of his bag and went back to brushing the locks. When he was done Nagisa's hair was in a neat ponytail with a little sapphire butterfly tied to it. He held up a hand mirror to show the boy who gasped in delight and hugged Victor in thanks.

Then Victor caught sight of both of them in the mirror. Two pairs of clear blue eyes looked into it, Victor saw that their skin was the same ivory white. They looked like they could have been a father and son, after all Victor once had the same look.

The pinkett tore away from Victor and ran towards the ice went back to watching the skaters.

Victor smiled at his two Yuri's who were completely enveloped in their programs. Yuuri was even starting to really get into expressing Eros. That's....... **wait a minute... Nagisa!**

"Cover your eyes!" Victor shouted suddenly as he blocked the pinkett's view. The boy's innocence must be protected. Yuri would be fine on his own, he was already tainted by the world anyway. Victor must save what he can!


	17. Chapter 17

"Alright good. Now straighten your leg on the turn." Victor instructed showing the movement with his hand. After Yuri and Yuri where done with practice Nagisa had a go on the ice to practice, so he and Victor could go one on one.

"Now move as if you're gliding on air." Victor said encouragingly only to be ignored as Nagisa skated off to do what he wanted.

Victor sighed, the boy refused to listen to him, not that he knew english anyway but still. Nagisa skated to his own rythem to say the least, despite his more graceful style. Victor was sure if the boy learned to listen he would be the world greatest skater or at least winner of the Jr Grand Prix. Unfortunately Victor knew the boy wasn't into it, the pinkett liked performing but not competing.

"Nagisa come back!" Victor called to him from the other side of the rink.

Nagisa looked up as he was making a lazy glide and made a sharp darting turn. Something must have gotten his attention. Suddenly Nagisa's eyes lit up as he picked up speed for a triple axel. Victor picked up on it just before he took off and panicked. Then he heard that little voice in the back of his head, and it said 'wait, just wait if he falls and starts crying he'll learn to not do that anymore. Or he'll break something, either way he learned something'. He debated his choices carfully because kids did learn from experience.

Nagisa made the jump just barely sticking the landing as he fell, slideing across the ice and stopped only a few feet in front of Victor. He smiled wryly as he got up after giving the Russian a heartattack. Victor gave the pinkett a stern look and watched as he picked up on how much trouble he was in.

Nagisa's smile dulled as Victor said nothing and looked at the ground waiting for the yelling to start.

"Nagisa! Come here right now!" Yuuri yelled from the side lines.

The pinkett hide behind the tall Russian man as he pretended he didn't hear that. Victor would have no part in this dispite wanting to help.

"Now." Yuri said even more frustrated.

Nagisa pouted as he skated over to Yuuri only to be grabbed by the shell of his ear. Victor could only hear a long string of very angry Japanese before Yuuri calmed down.

There was a strict rule on what moves can be performed after all. Nagisa could have easily broken a leg if he was anymore reckless. Their was certain age and body requirements involved with making routines. Nagisa was had a lean frame and even though he had the right age he wasn't the right size. He barely could do a double axel in the right conditions but trying a triple axel was risky. The difference being that the half final rotation made it difficult to land without twisting an ankle, and that's just for adults. Nagisa just wasn't ready yet, he needed more training if he wanted to perform like the others.

"Don't do that again. If you wanted to practice your jumps you should ask Victor and I about it first, that way we can help you if you need it. But you did do wonderfully, your a natural." Yuuri sighed. He knew that Nagisa didn't really know any better, but Yuuri saw what happened to skaters who ignored those rules and they have never skated again.

Yuuri told Nagisa to go get changed with Yuri s he could have a moment with Victor. The Russian was currently trying to sneak off the the pinkett hopeing Yuuri wouldn't notice.

"Victor can we talk?" Yuri asked softly staring out onto the rink. Nagisa had slipped away as Victor stood there prying that if Yuuri killed him I'd me done quickly and painlessly.

"You called?" He answered tensed, the reality of the fact he almost let the man's son break his leg was frightening.

"He's been getting impatient." Yuri utered as he felt Victor's presences get draw closer. "When we told him we'd be leaving in a few weeks he didn't take it well at first but now he's working harder then ever."

"He wants to impress you, and we shouldn't cuddle him. He can't learn if he doesn't try Yuuri." Victor put a hand on Yuuri's shoulder and the other man held it tightly.

"It's! Victor... there's something I haven't..."Yuuri tried to find the words needed to say. It was like a stone in his stomach. "Nagisa was born different."

"What do you-" Victor couldn't believe that, the kid had no visible defects and was mentally stable. Different could mean any range of things but his boy was fine. Nagisa was happy and healthy and nothing would change that. "No he's not he's fine. He a normal boy. Yuuri, how can you say that?"

"Victor, I want to say that's ture but it's not. You met Yuri when he was that age you can tell the difference between them." Yuuri wanted to imply what was wrong but he knew he had to say it. " He autistic, it made him a bit of a child prodigy to be honest but he had trouble making sense of the world. It gave him that innocence you seem to treasure so much. His mind was always battling between knowing to much and nothing at all in a way."

"Yuuri that's fine, he's learned to handle it-!" Victor said still not seeing what had the man so worried.

"Victor! There's something more. Have you ever wondered why he was so small for his age. Victor I can understand autism, it's not so bad. He handles the pressure so well you can't tell but he also had osteoporosis(look it up)." Yuri felt something dig into his chest when he said that. He remembered the moment he found out vividly. The x-rays where horrifying, bones literally disintegrating from the inside out.

"Yuuri, calm down tell me what that means."

"I know I'm over protective but I saw it. When we met he had just finished treatment to fix what is called hollow bones. Dancing and skating was used to strengthen his frame. He was cured shortly before we met but I didn't even know he had it in the first place. The damage left over was that he had stunted growth. His bones that we're supposed to fuse together as he grew was delayed."

"Yuuri I don't know what to say."

"Don't say anything Victor, you don't need to. No one needs to know about it. I'm cuddling him I know that, but I have my reasons to do so. I just want you to be aware of the situation, your the one training him right now so use caution."

Victor held Yuuri close in response. He was carrying a heavy weight right now but Victor was prepared to share that burden.

"Please just bare with me. I feel like I'm constantly pushing these things on you." Yuuri sighed. He honestly thought he was okay with knowing this but telling someone was like opening a wound you didn't know you had.

Yuuri realized Nagisa was autistic early on. Loud noises would make him panic, he inappropriate behavior, had trouble with words even when he knew them, intense interest in selective things. Yuuri did what he could but it was his mom who delt with the issues. Soft things like animals and stuffed toys calmed him when he was tense. 

Yuri looked up everything about hollow bone disease to see what to expect. The photos were horrifying yet he still encouraged Nagisa to skate but after five years Yuuri could see the affects fully now. Sure Nagi was looked healthy and happy but Yuuri knew there was still a chance that something will go wrong. 

"Your over thinking again. I'm not upset with you, but if your sure he's cured then let him try to learn on his own. He's done it on his own before so trust him. Let him choose is own actions and focus on yourself for once." Victor was resolute but kind as he leaned down to kiss Yuuri on the cheek.

Yuuri blushed as he looked away from Victor who smiled a soft warm smile. 

* * *

 Nagisa and Yuri had run off to the dance studio while the adults talked. Minako was out at the moment so the boys could do as they pleased.

Nagisa began to show off his skills with a fan as Yuri watched. Yuri wanted to take back what he said about the traditional dance, the motions made where fluid and blended so well into the swift movements of the fan, you could hardly separate the fan from the hand. The twang of the biwa and shamisen built up a tense but eager mood as the fans moved faster to the rythem.

Yuri was handed a fan of his own as Nagisa began to teach him the dance. He smiled as the pinkett tried his hardest to teach him the movements.

"Yuri onii! Nīsan wa totemo osoi!" He would yell when Yuri would pretend he didn't see his demonstration.

* * *

 

After a long practice the boys returned to the inn. And what a surprise was waiting them, because sitting in he living room was a red haired boy talking adamently with Yuuri's mother.

"Oh! Nagisa your back, your little friend here is so charming." She gushed as Karma gazed at the pinkett.

Nagisa shifted his gaze back and forth between the floor and the redhead as he debated what to do next. He was confused by the sudden appearance of the boy and suddenly felt self-conscious of his appearance. It took a moment but he finally knew what to do.

 "Karma!" He shouted tackling the boy and envoloping him in a hug. Karma laughed as he hugged his friend back and subconsciously ran a hand through the others pink hair.

The past weeks felt like eternity without one another but the they were finally together again.

"Nagisa what the hell! Who is this?!?" Yuri yelled prying the lovesick boys apart. He was not about to let this random guy interupt what is going on around here. In two days hot springs on ice would start and these could be the last day he could spend in Japan and wasn't about to let this kid waste it.

" _I'm Akabane Karma_ and I'm Nagisa's boyfriend. A better question is, who are you?" Karma snapped at Yuri, he clearly disliked having Nagisa pulled away so suddenly and lacked the good nature to take it well.

 


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meeting the in laws is tough for anyone. Aka Nagisa makes more drama then Victor.

That nights dinner was ackward to say the least, both Yuuri and Victor where unaware of the battle over Nagisa's attention. Mari however was grinning like a mad woman, she had to take advantage of this somehow.

Karma was sticking close to the pinkett and didn't hide his displays of affection. He had a hand placed firmly on his boyfriend's and he wouldn't let that blonde try anything.

Yuri had a plan of his own. Nagisa loved learning languages so he had started teaching him Russian at dinner time. That way he wouldn't waste time talking to that beady eyed asshole.

Nagisa had his suspicions on what was going on but pretended he didn't notice.

"So, your Little Nagi's friend?" Mari asked not knowing what she has just started. The next few minutes where pure chaos only the gods could have crafted from their demented hands.

"Friend? No, it's more then that, Nagisa's my lover." Karma said like it was most odivious thing in the world as he leaned in and kissed Nagisa on the cheek. Karma had even said it in English so everyone heard it.

Nagisa didn't deny it as he blushed and hide his face in embarrassment begging Karma to shut up.

Yuuri chocked on his food as he heard that. He turned white as he realized what that meant. 'Lover! Did he just say lover! Nagisa's his lover! Wait, Nagisa likes guys! Actually that's fine. But he's doing things with guys? He's too young to do things! Oh good I'm old now!' 

He fainted apon hearing the news. Victor took it better, if you can call it that.

Victor was more or less a little hurt. "But you where supposed to stay my little Hime and now you've got yourself a prince." He was almost proud Karma looked to be from a well off family and even if he was blunt he seemed honest. "But a prince who dares call you his lover instead of a proper title has no respect. And he dares say it in front of your father." Victor once again assumed his self appointed fatherly role as he glared at the offensive redhead.

"I have to tell Yuuko!" Mari ran to the next room to deliver the details.

Yuri was now infuriated as he stared down Karma. 

Nagisa seeing where this was going made a move. He hated to play this card but his years in performing arts prepared him for this. He in the most dramatic manner that Victor couldn't ignore Kowtowed before the family. "My apologies honorable father for his remark. In Japanese we use lover to refer to our partners. I promise it is nothing so volgar between us. But as your child I shall take responsibility. I shall commit seppuku! Yuri, I trust you take my head in one swing!" Nagisa yelled grabbing a short sword on the wall and handing the long sword to Yuri.

"Wait! I didn't know people actually do that. Please don't I'm not angry anymore!" Victor tried to stop the boy in his performance.

"No father, I have disappointed you enough already and I fear I shall never find another love then Karma. I shall write one last hiaku to explain my death. Nevermind that sounds hard." Nagisa continued to amp up the drama as he got on his knees in front of Yuri and lowered his head." Yep just aim for the base of the neck here. Try to make the cut clean or dishonor on your family and all that business." He said holding the short blade to his gut.

Yuri was confused and scared at this point as he held the long sword in his hands. What was he supposed to do with this, chop the boys head off?!

"Karma aren't you going to stop him!" Yuri yelled at the red head standing by.

"Unfortunately I cannot. His loyalty out classes his love for me. I will be lost without him but he will at least die with honor.

"I'm sorry! Please don't do it! I'll buy you whatever you want from the mall if you stop." Victor panicked as more swords were involved.

"Ignore him he's being over dramatic." Yuuri said waking up from his coma." Nagisa put that sword back now, it's all fun and games until someone gets disemboweled."

And finally the insanity was settled and everything was normal.

"Wait, Nagisa. When did you start speaking English? Victor asked confused.

"Fuck." 

"Nagisa language!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who's a bigger drama queen Victor or Nagisa?


	19. Background notes

Sorry guys this a little note for those who don't understand certain plot points so far.

Yuuri has one sister, Mari but also he has people like Yuko who are like a sister to him.

Just for future reference Mila is still a skater in this but she visits Japan to see Minako an old friend of hers. She knows Yuuri's family because of how close Yuuri and Minako where in the past. To be honest it was actually Mila who brought Yuri with her on her trip to Japan because Yakov refused to let Yuri travel alone in a different country. So that's explained.

Nexted I've been trying hard to make so no one really noticed Nagisa's little quirks in the story. He is indeed autistic but to the reader it was supposed to seem absolutely normal. It's a reminder that that those who face those challenges can live normal lives and that's what makes me love him more. But his trust issues and drive to be the good child will come back to bite.

Yuuri faces an internal issue of raising a child that's not his and dealing with the stress of having a career and a family at the same time.

Victor feels like an outsider looking into an issue he feels like he has no right to get involved with. He also wants to find the right time to approach Yuuri about his feelings but knows that the timing isn't right.

Yuri enjoys the family vibe he gets when he's with Yuuri and Victor but doesn't want to be seen as a replacement for what he views as Yuuri's real son. He's also attached to Nagisa but feels helpless because he  can't stop people from hurting him.

Alright that's what you need to get up to speed. These subjects will be alluded to but this is for full closure to those interested. I'll see you in the next update.


	20. Chapter 20

It was that day and it was met with great festivities. Hot springs on ice, the battle of two Yuri's. Nagisa passed around impatiently as he watch the people file in. In his hands he fussed with his favorite stuffed toy, the little blue bunny Yuuri gave him so long ago. He had named it Angel, his little angel bunny. He could breath easy with it in his hands.

The pinkett fussed with his new skate outfit Victor got for him. It was supposed to be modeled after a prince with it's white tights and regale blue top. He looked fine but that wasn't the problem. Every few minutes he'd peck out from the locker room to see how many more people where coming.

He watched as Victor and Yuuri talked preparing to get ready. Yurio was on his phone texting whoever.

For a moment Nagisa wondered if he could sneak off to see Karma before the show but he knew after what happened after dinner that night they were watching him like a hawk. He was the unfortunate victim to a few spying eyes when he went out on a few innocent outings with his friend. Honestly how would they feel if he interesing their dates. He made future note to do so actually.

"...Now day we have a special guest with us today. Nagisa a rosy youth trained by none other the Victor Nikiforov at the ripe age of 13. This is his first show but we can see that he was born for this. Now then." Nagisa didn't catch any of that until the end, it was his que.

As the opener Nagisa would go first after the announcer. So as he prepared to go he felt a warm hand on his shoulder and as he looked behind he could only see the encouraging smiles of Yuuri and Victor. He blinked back the small erge to cry as he took his first steps on to the rink before going straight to the center. 

The room darkened as the music started 'Canon in D' a personal favorite. As Nagisa waited for the fist cords of the violin he realized how much he couldn't see. The crowd was shrouded as the spotlight focused on him. It wasn't comforting at all .

He started by holding his bunny up so it shadowed above him as he gazed into it's marble like eyes. Lowered the toy he glided across the ice like was taking a stroll smiling as he went. Then the glide picked up in speed as he tossed it into the air sending it flying across the rink only to jump and catch it doing a toe loop as he pressed it to his chest.

As it rested in his arms he does an upright spin before doing a single salchow sending the toy flying again. It hit the floor far off on the edge of the rink. Nagisa's features turn shy and meek as he glided once more as if he was chastised lightly.

He was supposed to preform a double salchow on his way to the edge but as he made the jump he missed the landing and landed roughly on his side. In that moment he was deaf he could hear nothing and the darkness of the room frightened him more. It felt like the ice had broken up and sent shards into his chest and legs. But then as his eyes searched for something to latch onto he realized just how frail he must have looked, how weak he was before the crowd. He stumbled to his feet and reached out to his beloved toy once more. He was like a lost children who cared for only one thing.

As he got closer a figure came on to the rink and picked up the abandoned bunny. Nagisa took it from Victor's waiting hand and pretended to brush off dirt from Angel and then kissed it's plush forehead. Then suddenly Victor too bent down and kissed the boys forehead.

The music drew to a close as Nagisa stepped off the ice. He was greeted with loud cheers and a very happy Yuuri. He smiled back at his father figure as the announcer came back to the stage.

"Ladies and gentleman a lovely performance by Nagisa. We hope they can someday wow us again someday soon..." As it continued Nagisa slipped into the locker room and locked the door.

He knew he shouldn't have but he wanted to see what everyone was really thinking. They all smiled to his face but he wasn't blind they could all be lieing to make him feel better. Especially Victor who barly tolerated screw ups. That thought made his chest hurt alot but it didn't mean it wasn't true.

The show was live so he managed to snatch Victor's phone before he snuck off. Nagisa checked the comment section of the live stream.

'Is that a boy or girl'

'OMG the guy called them a they didn't you hear!' 

'Opps sorry :-P'

'Them you see them fall. Looked like they were gonna cry so hard! LMAO'

'Kinda cute but what are they.'

'what a sissy!'

'who dyes their hair pink?'

'That ponytail though. Is he trying to be like Victor or something?'

'Copycat!'

'who clearly isn't ready to be a skater not being mean just telling the truth!'

These where the words that stuck out the most to him no amount of positive comments made this seem better.

The pain in his leg lingered bringing back the memory of the fall. He messed up. He failed to do something he knew he could do. He was no skater, he couldn't be one. But dancing was all he knew all he was good for. He had to be perfect at it, he had too.

The memories of his mother flooded back.

"With grades like these no wander your only good for dance. Your heads so empty all you can do is look pretty."

Nagisa believed those words now more then ever. He wasn't smart so this was it for him. 

His reflection wasn't pretty though, he wasn't pretty or cute in the slightest. He was wrong. Every thing about him was wrong. If he really was a girl then all this could be easier, no one would question him about what he wore or would beat him up for having long hair. But he wasn't, he was an ugly boy trying to be a girl but not wanting to become one. 

Nagisa knew what he really was, a burden. Everyone felt sorry for him so they treat him like a baby. He hated it. They waste time practicing with him just for him to fail doing something he knew he could do.

* * *

 

The competition was over hours ago but no one had seen Nagisa anywhere. Victor noticed his phone what missing and tried to check the locker room only to see it was locked. 

"Nagisa are you in there?!" Victor called out.

No answer

"Come on open the door." 

No answer

"Your starting to worrying us please open up" Yuuri called this time.

No answer

"Nagisa, open this door right now!" Victor ordered this time.

Nothing

"I'm calling Yuuko. You better be okay in there."

But he wasn't.

When Yuuko unlocked the door Nagisa was there but he was curled up in a ball, in pain. His breath was shallow and heartbeat racing. Deathly pale and losing consciousness.

"Call an ambulance!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I identify with Nagisa so much in this. Believe it or not I was once a performer too and these thoughts were similar to mine after every show or practice. It's no wonder I quit to focus on things I like doing, like writing.
> 
> Did you know that Nagisa's performance had a special meaning in it. It was supposed to resemble a play or sorts.   
> Can you guess what happened in the play?  
> There are no wrong answers, I wanna know your thoughts.


	21. Chapter 21

Like fate had chosen Yuuri alone to bare heartache. His fears had been fully realized as he watched an ambulance take Nagisa away. The skaters rushed to the hospital a quickly a possible only to hear that they couldn't see the boy.

"I'm sorry, he's under examination. We'll notify you when it's over."  The nurse said to Yuuri as he demanded to know what was wrong.

Yuuri's chest was heavy as he sat next to Victor and Yuri. His mind ran in circles as he came up with a number of scenarios that could have happened. Was Nagisa always sick or was this just a random attack? Was everything going to be ok?

"Victor you need to talk to me." Yuuri blurted out as he sat next to the him in those stiff hospital chairs.

"About what?" Victor kept his voice low as he took in every detail of the room. The stale air smelt of chemicals, following doctors that came out occasionally to speak to parents. Sometimes they let out tears of joy and other times... Victor couldn't let himself think that way, for Yuuri's sake. At least they sent Yurio back to the inn because the wait could be all night.

"Anything! Just talk to me. Tell me I'm worrying too much. Tell me it'll all be fine. Please." Fear buried it's sharp talons into Yuuri's heart as he begged for just some simple reassurance. He breathed heavily as he held a hand to his chest as he thought of his boy, his son behind that door curled up in pain.

"The paintings here are very cute!" Victor said cheerfully pointing to the picture of a baby bunny done by one of the patients. Many more like them hung from the walls. Another was a large mural covered with colorful handprints each from one of the survivors of cancer. The handprints were so small, it's supposed to give you hope your child can survive too.

"The children's wing is very colorful isn't it?" Yuuri said softly as he watched the other families as they held and comforted their little ones. This place had so much hope and yet it was still filled with sadness. He wondered how many times they had to walk out of here knowing they lost and if he'd have to do the same.

Victor suddenly noticed just how many couples there were around them. He believed that he loved Nagisa just as much if not more than they love their own children. Even more he wanted to believe that at one point the pinkett was just as loved by his own parents. They stayed by him while he had to go through treatment for his hollow bones, they should have at least.

"Yuuri I've been thinking." Victor started folding his hands in thought.

"A dangerous pastime indeed." Yuuri smiled for a moment but then he saw Victor's gave harden, he was serious. "Victor what is it?"

"I- uh. It's just-" he began to stumble a bit as he tried to find the words. " I want to adopt Nagisa. He needs a home, a real home, a place he can be himself. I know I can deal with help him deal with the way he feels right now and give him the medical care he needs."

Yuuri was shocked, he never really thought Victor was considering it. He was happy, excited even to hear it but Yuuri was also planning to foster Nagisa and eventually adopt.

"It won't be easy. The process could talk a very long time and besides are you sure you're ready?" Yuuri asked placing his hand over Victor's. The Russian held his hand tightly.

"I know I'm ready. I love him. The way he smiles makes me happy. The way he loves to dress up regardless of what people think. He's smart, cheerful, and dramatic. I want him to be part of my life but most of all I need you there too." Victor spent a lot of time keeping his feelings away from the relationship between Nagisa and Yuuri but he realized that if he wanted Nagisa in his life he needed to tell Yuuri up front how he felt.

"What...Ha *snort* what! You're not-!" Yuuri laughed in disbelief. He tried to cover his mouth to hide the smile split his cheeks. 

"Yes, I am Yuuri. I want both of you in my life and I can't imagine it any other way. If the adoption takes as long as you say then let's use that time to our advantage, so when the papers go through he'll have a new family waiting for him. What do you say?" Victor's gaze was soft, warm and couldn't be any more genuine. 

"Your such a- yes let's do it!" Yuuri could barely believe it, he and Victor together! It seemed so impossible, yet here it was.

In that moment hope for the future had returned. 

But then a high pitched wail could be heard behind the examination room doors. A nurse bolted outside the room frantically searching through clipboards on current patients.

"You! Are you two here for Shiota?" She asked clearly distressed.

"Yes, is he ok?" Yuuri answered quickly, the pleasant aura disappeared.

"Please, follow me." She said ushering them both to follow. She walked briskly almost panicking as they walked to Nagisa's room. The loud cries got louder and louder.

And there he was being restrained by several doctors and nurses keeping him from pulling out his IV. His eyes had panicked tears as he pushed the men away from him.

"No! Stop, stop, stop! Get away! I want my Papa, now!" He screamed fear in every word. 

"Nagisa! Calm down, we're right here." Victor was quick to take control as he got between the doctor and Nagisa.

The pinkett searched wildly, his eyes scanned the room but they didn't focus on anything.

"Victor is that...is that you? What's going on I can't-" his eye welled up again as his distress increased " I can't see."  His deep blue eyes were dilated and hazy.

Yuuri talked with the worried nurse as Victor pulled his boy into his arms and did his best to comfort him. 

"It's ok, you'll be ok. Close your eyes, the doctors are just trying to help." Victor whispered into his ear softly as he stroked Nagisa's hair. The pinkett sobbed as he buried his head in Victor's arms.

A doctor tapped Victor on the shoulder and showed him a syringe filled with a clear liquid. The Russian had to move slightly to allow the doctor access to Nagisa's neck. Slowly the needle was injected under the pinkett's skin and into his artery. 

The boy griped Victor tightly as he felt the sting in his neck. There was a pause for a few seconds and slowly the grip was loosened until all together it fell away. Nagisa went limp in Victor's arms.

"What did you?" The Russian was shocked as Nagisa became dead weight.

"Victor, it fine." Yuuri said approaching Victor and checked on the now sleeping Nagisa." The doctor said he might have had some kind of reaction to something he ate or breathed in and caused him to go into shock. He has temporary blindness right now and his panicked attack could have been fatal to his health."

"Fatal, you mean?" Victor didn't realize it was so bad.

"Yeah, his heart rate was skyrocketing and he could have had a heart attack. You calmed him down enough for the doctors to give him a tranquilizer. You saved him." Yuuri's eyes focused on the boy who was now going back to being examined by the doctors from earlier. 

The couple had to go back to the waiting room to hear if any news about their son's condition came up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm finally done! I've been working forever on this and it probably has tons auto correct errors. I'll fix it later.  
> Anyways I cried multiple times writing this because I'm a sensitive little baby sometimes.  
> Tell me it wasn't just me.


End file.
